Look at what I found on Etsy today…a Mustache Cigarette Holder. That’s right…feast your eyes on that baby. I am a former smoker, having quit last October…but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I still get urges…especially after a few drinks. Maybe I have found my final Kryptonite against lighting up in this fine beauty. If I knew that I would suffer the indignity of using this if I did choose to light up , tipsy me would never even consider it. Smoking just looks bad, but this makes it look even worse.
Here is the seller’s convincing ad for this:
Could it be true? Yes. Yes, it is now possible to have a mustache when you smoke. The mustache is attached to a silver alligator clip that, when pressed, holds a cigarette with just the right amount of pressure.
Mustache Colors Available: Pink, Black, Light Brown, Dark Brown, Grey (not pictured), White (not pictured)
Please message me with your color preference. Wholesale prices are available.
She even demonstrates it:
She totally forgot to market the biggest possible selling point of all…you can use it as a hair accessory until you feel the need to light up! You’ll never think, “Now where is that damn mustache of mine?” when jonsing for a smoke. You could just reach up into your hair, grab it, and have at it. Duh…how could she not include that in her ad? She needs a marketing genius like me on her side if she wants to hit the big time.
However, it does come in six choices of colors! Wow! You can actually match it to your outfit if you plan accordingly. The white one must get especially pretty after a few puffs. I don’t think you can wash nicotine stains out of felt…but I could be wrong. And what happens if you smoke your cigarette down to the filter? I think that felt would light up like a tiki torch. Now that would be fun to watch.
This retails for $8.00, and she actually has five in stock…so I don’t even need to tell you to HURRY UP on this one. Of course, if you are ordering wholesale, because Christmas is just a mere six months away, then you might want to get cracking. Artistry this exquisite likely cannot be rushed. It has got to be a painstaking ordeal to hot glue gun that mustache onto a hair clip.
A Mustache Cigarette Holder…That’s Shitsy!