Get Your Beer Mittens Here!

Look at what I found on Etsy today…crocheted beer mittens! They retail for $15 and can be made in whatever colors you’d like! Got a favorite team? She can make these in your team colors for tailgating…and you’ll never lose your beer or ever even have to put it down.

A few thoughts…

*What ever happened to wearing good old fashioned gloves when you drink in a parking lot on a chilly day?  Seriously, I have done that for years and never thought I could improve on it…or would even need to. Besides, these are not even insulated! They are just plain old yarn. That is not going to keep your drinking hand warm…and what the hell are you supposed to put on your other hand? Nothing? A glove that doesn’t match this? The whole thing is a giant  fashion faux pas, my friends…even in tailgating land.

* The seller states you never have to put your drink down now. Maybe I like to put my beer down once in a while. This would just be a giant pain in the ass when you have to do anything else for 10 seconds besides sit there and drink. If you have to use the bathroom (port-o-potty, hide behind your car, whatever) you totally have to take this off. You most certainly can’t eat while wearing this on one of your hands. What if an errant football comes flying at your head? You can’t catch it in this…and you’d totally spill your beer!  On and off…on and off…no thanks.

* There is no actual bottom for the beer to sit in. In looks like there is, but there’s not. That means you have to sit gripping the beer in your yarn mitten the entire time so you don’t drop it.

*Your beer would actually get warm wearing this…not because of the yarn…but because you have your damn hand wrapped around it the entire time. Any good beer drinker knows that if you want your beer to stay ice cold,  holding it like that is a no-no. Once the beer clears the neck, you hold it up there…unless you are a beer slammer…then it doesn’t matter where you hold it, because it’s not going to last that long anyway.

*Your friends will ridicule you…I know mine would. Mine would throw it in an open fire source if I left that alone for even 10 seconds. (Well, first they would pose for pictures dangling it above the flames.)  They’d never do such a thing if I had gloves on…but this? Absolutely. That’s what friends are for.

Wearing Non-Insulated Crocheted Beer Mittens? That’s Shitsy!


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