Look at what I found on Etsy today…Pocket Manfriends!
Ladies, are you sick of meeting Mr. Wrong? Has strutting around the Home Depot in your slinkiest of dresses for hours in hopes of hooking a crafty man just not panned out for you? Does online dating scare the shit out of you? Or, as the seller states, “Are you lost without a manly man by your side?” (ie – Are you completely desperate?) Do you want a man that will really listen to your problems and won’t complain about the 10 cats roaming around your house?Well look no further, because your lonely days are over now that you know Pocket Manfriends exist!
Since everyone has their own idea of what they are looking for in that dream man, the seller has quite a few manfriends to choose from. Each comes with a description of what he’s all about, because in case you forgot, looks aren’t everything! (Unless you’re completely shallow…then they are!) You do have to really like beards though, because each one is bearded. Here are some of the eligible bachelors just waiting for you to carry them around in your pocket all day long: (Cue the Dating Game Music)
This pocket manfriend is called Craig. Take him anywhere with you for moral support. All the best bits about a manfriend (Craig cooks a killer spaghetti bolognese and has hairy feet. Very good at hugging. Favours a hunting sock and a goosedown vest) in a pocket-sized format for portability and even sharing. (The fact that he’ll make sure your house is a the perfect temperature is totally worth the hairy feet!)
This pocket manfriend is called Claude. He’s a family man and badminton champion. Irons his boxers, secretly likes a good chick flick. (He does his own ironing? Yahtzee!)
This pocket manfriend is called Dominic. If you like spicy foods, he’s your man. He makes a killer picante. He has hair black as the night and owns two cats called Henry and Santiago. Keeps his home clean and his motorcycle shiny. (Yay! He owns cats too!)
This pocket manfriend is called Eric. Graphic designer, bike enthusiast, vegetarian. Combs his beard. Collects vintage armchairs. (Beard combing…huge bonus!)
This pocket manfriend is called Ray. He’s got firey-ginger hair and a firey temper to match. Accountant by day, serious jazz enthusiast by night. A Capricorn. Very particular about his coffee. (You better make his coffee right, lest you get to see his fiery temper!)
This pocket manfriend is called George. He’s a magician and a pescatarian. Likes his shoes shiny and his trousers pressed. An elusive chap, but a gentleman at heart. (Pescatarian means he only eats seafood. No animal flesh! I looked it up!)
This pocket manfriend is called Nicholas. Drinks red stripe lager out of the can, wears tightey whiteys and teaches science. Has a pet rat. Doesn’t often wash, but is very funny. (Uh oh, your cats may not like his pet rat…and funny totally makes up for dirty, doesn’t it?)
This pocket manfriend is called Kenneth. He’s the blonde one. Challenge him at scrabble at your peril. Mixed martial arts junkie, hip hop fiend, has a beagle called Patrick. (That’s going to be one marathon game of Scrabble. Clear your calendar!)
This pocket manfriend is called Eugene. Perfectionist, artist, strong minded, stubborn. His hair is black as coal. His heart is lonely without you. (His goatee screams artsy!)
A “special edition” manfriend:
Peter’s job as an animator keeps him indoors but his heart is in the open outdoors. He’s got carabiners in his pockets and calluses on his hands. A rock climber at heart, he will be your rock and steal your heart. (OMG, he’s got pockets too!)
Don’t see one you like? Are none of these men good enough for you? Yeah, they all do seem like a bunch of pain in the asses with their quirks. You’re trying to buy Mr. Right here. You don’t need to put up with that shit! Put your foot down girl, and just make your own perfect man!
If Nicholas, Ray, Craig, Eric, Dominic, Kenneth, Claude and Eugene aren’t your type, here’s your chance to design your own manfriend. That’s right, you choose everything – skin, hair, beard, eyes, even his name and personality – if only it could be this easy in real life!
Each of these manfriends costs $11.30, unless you decide to go out on a limb and design your own. That’ll set you back $20.67. They take about five days for her to send out to you…but hey what’s a few more days of waiting since you’ve been sitting around this whole time waiting for Prince Charming to show up anyway, right? Besides, it gives you plenty of time to shave your legs and buy a new dress with pockets!
Pocket Manfriends…That’s Shitsy…and maybe the most desperate thing I’ve ever seen.