Zombie Apocalypse Battle Axe


Look at what I found on Etsy today…A Zombie Apocalypse Battle Axe! Because unless you live under a rock, “The Zombie Apocalypse is fast approaching and we must prepare!” or so says the seller. Holy Bejesus…there are going to be Zombies? As if the Mayan predictions weren’t enough, now we have to worry about this? Well, thank God I can share this with you so we all have an option with which to protect ourselves.

Here are the seller’s words of wisdom about this item:
Arm yourselves against the Undead with this epic zombie-obliterating battle axe! Constructed from reclaimed materials this axe weighs in at 14 lbs. It means business and will serve you well when confronting the flesh-hungry hoardes. 

Ideal for room decoration, as a movie prop, for cosplay, theater, or other such badassery. (yup, that’s a word). Measuring 21″ tall by 10″ wide this axe is as visually impressive as it is physically imposing.

This item is intended for decorative and or theatrical use ONLY. It is not a toy. It should never be used on anything ESPECIALLY any living thing. Purchase of this item implies consent and agreement to these statements.

Whoa…whoa…whoa. So is the whole Zombie Apocalyse thing a hoax now? Way to drag us in and then crush our dreams of needing to own this axe. I can’t believe this baby weighs 14 pounds. I’d really have to give that a good swing to kill a zombie…but it says it’s  for decorative and/or theatrical use only, and should never be used on anything…ESPECIALLY a living thing. What does a Zombie get classified under? If I see one, can I swing this axe at it or what? I don’t think in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse anyone can be held to the legally binding statement at the end of the sales pitch. I mean, you’d be fighting for your life against zombies for God’s sake!

I don’t know about you, but I feel all around cheated by the seller’s entire ad. I mean, what do we do here…shell out the $170.00, and be legally bound to never actually use it? What if the Zombies never show up? Then we are stuck with this giant 14 pound axe. Decisions, decisions. Sigh.

Zombie Apocalypse Battle Axe…That’s Shitsy! (Unless the Zombie Apocalypse ever actually occurs. Then we’re just screwed!)

PS – I went with the seller’s spelling of ‘axe” rather than my own, because it is his “axe” after all.

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