Welcome to New York!


Even if you have never visited New York City in your life, I am sure that you have read enough about it to know that you don’t leave your Maserati running in Times Square without thinking something might happen to it…even if you are standing right next to it…at 4:40am.

See What Had Happened Was…Chadwick Lange just moved to NYC from Florida and thought he was hot shit tooling around the Manhattan in his brand new Maserati. As he was cruising through Times Square, he saw an acquaintance (mmmhmmm) standing on the sidewalk, so he pulled over for a chat. Because he is new to NYC (and incredibly stupid), he leaves the car running while he stands there and chats it up with his friend.  Being it’s NYC, two guys come up and ask if they can pose for pictures with his car. After said pictures are taken, the one guy hops in the driver’s seat and takes off down the block. His accomplice chases the car down the street, hops in at the light, and off they go with Chadwick’s car, while he stands there like a jackass.

Well, welcome to New York Chadwick Lange! Perhaps you were a big shot Real Estate guy down in Florida, but you’re not in Florida anymore buddy. When you choose to move to New York City, you need some street smarts or shit like this is going to happen. First of all, driving a Maserati in NYC is ridiculous. The streets are packed, and the cabbies are crazy…even at 4:40am.  Speaking of 4:40am, how do you just move there and just happen to “know” someone who’s milling around Times Square at that hour? I’m finding a slight hole in your story there, but whatever.

As for your car getting stolen, you totally deserve that. If you are idiotic enough to both leave the car running and let people pose with your car, then don’t stand there like a  gaping moron when it’s driving down the street without you in it. I’m sure the two guys who posed by your car looked like such upstanding citizens that you saw nothing wrong with them taking pics next to your $150,000 car, that was running, right? People are so friendly in NYC, especially at 4:40am in Times Square.

Chadwick Lange is officially in the running for the “Idiot of the Year” Award. Since this made national news, I am sure there are some people down in Florida laughing their asses off, because he sounds like the kind of guy who would say things like “Florida is too small for me! I need to go conquer Manhattan!”. Well Chadwick, Manhattan conquered you and everyone knows about it. You wound up on the front page of every newspaper in the city, and all of the news stations too. Way to go!  Perhaps you should move your ass back to Florida, because NYC is not for you. Seriously…it’s not.

BTW – The car is still missing. The NYPD can find a needle in a haystack, so I’m pretty sure they aren’t exactly searching to hard for it.

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