I know I said I was only going to post on weekends now, but after reading this story, I knew I had to post about it.
What Had Happened Was…a Canadian dance studio named Twisted Grip and Fitness has decided that it was a fantastic idea to offer pole dancing classes named “Little Spinners” for children as young as five years old. The owner, Kristy Craig, said that she “introduced the class because existing clients wanted it, and so far three girls and one boy have registered for classes, which start on Sept. 22. Her youngest student is 5 years old, the oldest is about 12 years old.” She says there’s nothing sexual about it, because (and I quote) “It’s pure fitness and strength and fun. I mean kids love climbing trees. They will climb anything.”
Um, sorry Kristy, but climbing trees as a kid is normal. Swinging from a stripper pole isn’t. Any parent who signs their kid up for this should seriously have their head checked, and should go out and change their child’s name to something awesome, like Candy Apple. That way, when they someday become a stripper, thanks to mom and dad’s grand plans for his/her future, they will know it’s go time when they hear “Please welcome to the main stage, Candy Apple!”. I’m sure the parents won’t mind being reimbursed for all of those great lessons in singles someday, right?
I have a feeling the talent shows at their local elementary schools will never be the same. I’m pretty sure the schools don’t even have a brass pole lying around, but I have a feeling the charming parents of these kids will buy their little darlings a portable one, just in case. (You never know when one might need to do a performance.) Do you know what my daughter did last year at her school talent show? Hula hooped, because that’s what a normal 10 year old does.
Way to go Twisted Grip and Fitness. You’ve sunken humanity to a whole new level with this one. Maybe you can get a reality show on TLC to rival Toddlers & Tiaras, and all of those other disgusting assholes they like to make famous. You’ll fit right in. (Insert sarcastic slow golf clap here.)