Monthly Archives: November 2012

Vintage Crystal Paperweight


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Look at what I found on Etsy today…A “Vintage Crystal Paperweight Pink Swirl Bubbles Long Egg”…Yes, that’s the exact header on it.

The seller really went all out on that picture, huh?

The seller also went all out on the description:

“real old vintage crystal egg has really dark pink swirls and cool bubbles has some marks but you cant see them that good unless it was really close up heavy 4″ long”

“You can’t see them that good unless it was really close up”, you say?  No kidding.

The seller wants $78.00 for this, plus another $7.00 for shipping. Maybe said seller can use that money to invest in photography lessons and perhaps a cheap writing course. I don’t foresee any of that happening though… starting with making an actual sale on this.

“Vintage Crystal Paperweight Pink Swirl Bubbles Long Egg”…That’s Shitsy…just all-around Shitsy!

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Stump Tables


Look at what I found on Etsy today…Stump Tables. They retail for $169.00 plus $60.00 shipping.  Whaaaat?  If you want some stump tables and are looking to save money, come on down to the Jersey Shore. Thanks to stupid Hurricane Sandy, we have TONS of wood like this lying around free for the taking…all you would have to do is buy yourself some “non-toxic wood sealer” and you’ll be all set. Sad, but true.

Stump Tables for $169.00…That’s Shitsy!

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Ryan Gosling as a Slice of Everything Pizza


Looking for a Christmas gift for that special someone? Well look no further, because look at what I found on Etsy today…Ryan Gosling as a Slice of Everything Pizza.

I’m sure you know someone who loves Ryan Gosling. I mean, who hasn’t seen The Notebook?

I’m sure you know someone who loves everything pizza. I mean, who doesn’t love everything pizza? It’s a total crowd pleaser, and you can always just pick off the items you don’t like, or just eat it as it is, in all of it’s glory!

I’m sure you know someone who loves both Ryan Gosling AND everything pizza. I mean, that’s one hell of a combo right there!

If so, why not make your way on over to Etsy and buy this for that person with impeccable taste? It retails for $40.00 plus $5.00 shipping. Unfortunately there is no Christmas deal on this one, but hey, isn’t your Ryan Gossling/pizza with everything loving,  special someone, worth it?

Ryan Gosling as a Slice of Everything Pizza…That’s Shitsy!

PS – I am not down with his crooked eyes. He’s been in the running for “World’s Sexiest Man’ quite a few times. The man has eyes that are even on his face, so why aren’t they in this painting? Sigh.

PPS – I wonder if Ryan Gosling knows this fine piece of art work exists?

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Uterus and Vagina Crochet Plush


 

Look at what else I found on Etsy today… A Uterus and Vagina Crochet Plush with Fallopian Tubes, Ovaries, and Vaginal Canal! (I really should just start a separate section on my blog for crocheted nuclear bombs, because I have no problem locating them!)

Now, who exactly do you give this to for Christmas…aside from someone you know who is an OB-GYN? Even then, it’s a bad idea…and any other person you would give this to, I don’t even want to know about.

Here’s what the seller had to say about it:

Vagina, vaginal canal, cervix, uterus, Fallopian tubes and ovaries. Yes, it kind of looks like an alien bunny rabbit. But it’s also cuddly, non-threateningly educational, and hilarious. 

This is where crocheted babies come from.

Ummm…OK

By the way, you don’t have to buy it as the whole piece either. You can buy the uterus and Fallopian tubes OR the vagina separately…because what if someone doesn’t want the whole thing? How thoughtful on the seller’s part.

If you would like to purchase this item, it’ll run you $32.00 plus $3.00 shipping….unless you just want the uterus/Fallopian tubes combo, which will run you $20.00…OR…just the vagina, which will run you $15.00.  Look at that, you save $3.00 if you buy the combo! Again…thoughtful.

Nothing screams “Merry Christmas” quite like this gift does!

Uterus and Vagina Crochet Plush…That’s Shitsy!

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Crocheted Lingerie


Look at the deal I found on Etsy today…Crocheted Lingerie.

Guys…I speak for all of the ladies when I say NONE OF US want to get this for Christmas. That is such a disaster that you may go on a “dry spell” for quite a while if you give this to your lady as a present!

What the hell is even going on there? The top bra parts are supposed to be Christmas trees. That bottom piece is supposed to be a wrapped present…a very poorly wrapped present. That may be one of the worst merkins I have ever seen. (If you don’t know what a merkin is, google it.) It’s all crooked and sloppy looking…not to mention how incredibly itchy that has got to be. It has potential to be the gift that keeps on giving with the rash one may receive from  wearing that, even for a few minutes. If you want to to do some “unwrapping” on Christmas night, you might want to get something nicer…which would be basically anything other than this crocheted disaster.

You men have been warned…however, if you still think this is something you’d like to buy for your lady (I’m telling you, she will HATE this!), you can scoot on over to Etsy and pay $20.00 for it. You don’t even have to pay shipping…that should tell you something right there, huh? By the way, she only has one in stock, so you really may want to think about whether or not this would even fit your lady. It can only be worse for you if she tries to put this on , and it doesn’t fit! If you make your lady feel un-sexy, I can guarantee that “dry spell” will last even longer than previously predicted.

Do what you will, but don’t act shocked when your lady makes “the face” and then says a few very un-Christmas-like phrases to you if this is what she gets to unwrap on Christmas morning…and for God’s sake ..don’t give it to her in front of the kids!

Crocheted Lingerie…That’s Shitsy! (and likely incredibly itchy)

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Black Friday Chaos


 

See this? This is exactly why I will NEVER go out shopping on Black Friday! People are completely out of their minds! There is no deal worth the violence that comes with it. Here are just a few of many stories from around the web showing how low people will stoop to save a few bucks:

*San Antonio man pulls gun over line cutting.

*$2.00 Waffle maker riot in Little Rock Arkansas. (C’mon…how many waffle makers do you really need?)

*Full scale riot over cameras and smart phones in GA

*Two people shot in Florida over a parking spot.

*14 year old robbed outside of Bed, Bath and Beyond near Baltimore. (This I’m not shocked by! Baltimore is one scary city, and my least favorite place to go!)

*Man threatens to stab everyone in line at KMart. (I won’t even watch this video, but you can if you want to. I think the story is enough!)

and finally, my personal favorite: Massachusetts man takes home TV, leaves 2 year old behind. That one just takes the cake! I guess it’s hard to hold a child’s hand and hold a 51 inch flat screen at the same time….so he leaves him there, never looks for him, and goes home. What a *&%$#@*%!!!!

These stories get worse every single year.

Disgusting…simply disgusting.

Here’s an idea…just stay home people.  Wait for another day. The sales will be there until Christmas if you pay attention. The above mentioned garbage just isn’t worth saving a few bucks.

 

 

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Cats Are The Center Of The Universe Hat!


Look at what I found on Etsy today…A Cats Are The Center Of The Universe Hat!!! If you’ve ever read my blog before, you know I am a sucker for ridiculous items people buy for their cats! This baby isn’t even a Black Friday deal…it’s just too bananas not to post!

Cat owners…help me out here please! Why in the hell, of all gifts, would you buy this for your cat? Cats don’t like hats!!! They don’t! Please see Exhibit A: My post Hats For Cats! They HATE hats!!! None of those cats look happy to me! What about the cat above? Does Mr. Notso Fluffy look happy to you? Does he look like he wants the solar system circling his head? No, he most certainly does not! Sheesh!

Here’s what the seller had to say about it:

Your cat knows that it is center of the universe– time to let it know you’re in on the joke! This cat fascinator is a model of our solar system with nine planets attached to the “sun” (cat hat base). This fascinator is for the extremely patient kitty like Notso Fluffy— he will tolerate anything being put on his head and is still for the process. This hat is not meant to be left on kitty’s head for action sequences or for periods of time over a few minutes. 

Planets are made from Styrofoam  painted with acrylic paint and finished with a touch of glitter. They attach to the base using wire which is implanted into more Styrofoam to protect kitty’s head. It is lined with some groovy felt! The cat hat balances well on the back of kitty’s head; using the elastic helps to keep it all in place for short periods of time.

Ah, the word “fascinator” does not even come up with a correct spelling on my spell check…I think she made it up…and no shit that it shouldn’t be left on your kitty’s head for periods of time over a few minutes. How about, it shouldn’t be put your on kitty’s head at.all.ever?!?

People that put hats on their cats are crazy.

If you’re crazy, then shuffle on over to Etsy, pay the seller $25.00 plus $10.00 shipping, and look forward to having one miserable cat that hates you on your hands in the near future.

Cats Are The Center Of The Universe Hat…That’s Shitsy!

(Poor Mr. Notso Fluffy! If I wasn’t allergic to cats, I would drive up to Boston and rescue this poor little bastard from his life of misery. He’d be so much happier in my non-cat-hat-wearing home!)

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