Welcome to my 100th post!!! I’m pretty excited to say that, and feel that I have found something special to commemorate it: The Boyfriend Pillow!
Do you have that super needy friend who always says “Sigh…I wish I had a boyfriend to snuggle with! I feel so lonely since I broke up with (insert whatever name she whines about here). I have such a hard time sleeping alone now!” Blah…Blah…blahhhh! If you’re sick and tried of hearing her sniveling crap, then buy her this fine piece of home decor.
I mean, look how happy this woman is:
She’s all snuggled in tight with her half of a boyfriend! She even got all snazzed up for the occasion! There’s no arm pit hair anywhere near her, no bed and covers hogging to worry about (Hey, where the hell are the covers?), and no need to worry about the stubble on her legs! She doesn’t even have to argue over the remote, because all she’s got is half of a stuffed torso…and apparently that’s all she needs.
Fellas, you didn’t think I forgot you, did you? Of course not! They also make a Girlfriend Pillow:
Who needs an actual girlfriend to snuggle with when you can have that? It even has (and I quote) “two round shaped cushions on the surface that give a breast-like sensation”. You guys can nestle right up in there and go to Dreamland without ever getting bitched at. What’s with the crooked breast-like cushions though? Eh, who’s going to know, but you, I guess. (Actually, I hope!) Not for nothing, but what’s with the yellow glove the girlfriend pillow is wearing? Yeah, I’m thinking what you’re thinking there…Bring it on down to Creepytown!
Anyway, these two charming pillow cuddling substitutes can be found on Amazon. The Boyfriend Pillow costs $44.95 and the Girlfriend Pillow costs $29.99…but you can get them as a set for $74.94. (No discount applies there!). I have no idea why the Boyfriend Pillow is so much more expensive than the Girlfriend Pillow is! Sure, he’ s got buttons, but she has two odd, crooked breasts slapped on there! How are his buttons worth so much more than those? (Oh, because needy women will pay any amount of money for some snuggling. Sorry, I forgot!)
So, whether it’s for your needy, whiny friend who hates sleeping alone…or maybe just for you (I’m going to pretend it’s not for you!), hustle it on over to Amazon and get to ordering. Christmas will be here before you know it!