Expiration Dates


I-Witness Account

Location: Local Irish Eatery on Saint Patrick’s Day

Ladies…I need to put this out there as food for thought…You need to know your expiration dates in life. You know, like when you hit certain ages your time has expired for certain things..case in point.

My family loves St. Paddy’s Day, so every year we head on over to the local Irish eatery for the festivities. It’s got a huge bar, but also serves up some good food, and it’s always a good time on 3/17.

So, this year we get there around noon and secure our table. Everything was great…the food, the drinks, the bagpipers, and the band…and then when some “ladies” started dancing, I got to thinking about “expiration dates”.

Here’s a few things I came up with:

* Pigtails…they expire around age 10. They look ridiculous after that…especially when you’re in your 40’s….no matter when you wear them…but especially in a bar.

*G-Strings…I’m not saying there’s an expiration date on the underwear you wear. I could care less..but when you’re in your 40’s, not in good shape, and we all get to watch you exploit this on the dance floor for over an hour, it’s not good.

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It’s not like it was accidently hanging out. If you wear them then you know that sometimes it happens…but she kept pulling it up over her hips out of her jeans, then acting like she forgot it was there where she raised her arms and her shirt went up…her shirt that was down to one button fastening it by the end of the “show”…then would look to see who was looking at her. Honey, that expiration date passed like 20 years ago….and you apparently watch too much reality tv and want to emulate Spring Breakers.  Trying to grind on your other 40-something year old woman posse is “entertaining”, but not in the way you think. I’m sure your kids would have been proud.

If you’re in your 40’s,  wearing pigtails, cranking up your g-string, and dancing like a stripper (well past her expiration date), don’t think the 20-something year old guy who comes over to dance with you wants a piece of your cougar action…his friends are about 10 feet away with their I-Phones out, almost pissing themselves as they take pics to put on Instagram. They’ll talk about that and show the pics all week long too….as they high five each other.

Know your expiration dates ladies…or go out with at least ONE honest friend. You’re welcome.


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