Monthly Archives: August 2013

Truth In Advertising


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What had happened was…well, just read the top ad posted in the Indiana Auto & RV classifieds and it tells the whole story. Personally, I think if you hurry up, you could probably get him down to $7500.00.  Clearly he’s going to need the money!

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Shittens…Yes, Shittens!


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I normally don’t do two posts in one day, but this was just too good to wait until tomorrow!!! In case you haven’t seen this on the web yet, let me be the first to introduce you to the absolute internet gold of “Shittens”.

Now,I know…you think this is a joke, right?? Well, it’s not. I researched it, and this fine product actually exists!

Here’s the sales pitch:

If there’s one great universal truth that we can all agree on, it’s this: No one wants poop on their hands.

And yet, we laugh carelessly in the face of danger every time we take an old fashioned wet wipe to our heinies, flying completely blind in the critical poop-to-hand spatial relation.

How many times have you taken one of those substandard wet wipes to the posterior of a child, risking major contamination from that flailing poop cloth? And how many times has your dog’s “number two” been a little closer to a number one “and a half”, requiring a deadly grab & pull maneuver with whatever’s laying around? Enough is enough!

With new Shittens, you can fully protect your hands while tending to the dirty deed.

Need more proof? Check out the Shittens  YouTube video!  That catchy little jingle is going to be in your head all day. You’re welcome!

If you want to order yourself a 20 pack of pre-moistened Shittens (I know some of you are actually thinking about it!), hoof it on over to the Shittens site, and get them for a mere $9.95.

Shittens….I have waited for over year for someone to not be totally insulted by it when I talk about their product and say “That’s Shitsy”!!!

resell (1)PS – I clearly have no aspirations of getting Freshly Pressed with this post!

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Filed under Internet Scores, That's Shitsy!

Posh Puppy Purses


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Attention tiny dog owners!!!If you have been so gauche as to actually walk your little smooshy-face on a leash on the mean streets of Manhattan, then you are sooooo out of the loop. If you don’t want your high class friends to drop you like yesterday’s news, then you need the Puppy Purse! You know Sir Smooshy-Face is far too good to let his little tootsies actually touch the pavement where the rest of the heathens walk! Perish the thought, you awful dog owner you! If you’re not carrying  in him in this contraption, or God forbid carrying him in a designer tote bag (which is so last year!) then the rich, snooty dog police may have to give you a citation and seize that little pooch from the life of horror it obviously has been enduring in your care!

Doesn’t he look comfortable? (Um, no he does not!) Well he should be comfortable while he is dangled precariously from that leather strapped harness giving his legs nowhere to go but to float freely in the air as you stroll down Park Avenue. Just make sure your dog is 6 pounds or under, because otherwise it won’t work out. Does that even really need to be said? Come on now, everyone knows the ultra rich only own dogs that small. You can’t possible have a 7 pound dog in your penthouse apartment! It goes against the rules of life, don’t you know!

If you’re looking to transport your own Sir Smoooshy-Face in the most glamorous way possible, you are too late to get one at the PetCo on the Upper West Side. They sold out like hotcakes. (I’m having a hard even picturing the ultra rich ever setting foot in a PetCo!) Fret not though, my snobby friends, because you can browse through a vast selection of Puppy Purses at BitchNewYork.com! Prices range from $66 – $100.00.  Anyone whose anyone buys the $100 Pink Biker Baby Puppy Purse, of course!

I’d keep going, but I must go walk my two giant mastiffs on their leashes now. If they only knew what a low rent owner they really had, huh? Sigh, such white trash we are in this house.

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Filed under Internet Scores, What Had Happened Was

Freaky “Booty” Googling


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I have to laugh at the amount of traffic that has come to my site thanks to people googling the following phrases:

1. Ghetto Booty

2. Giant Ghetto Booty

3. Huge Ghetto Booty

and my personal favorite so far…

4. Big Ole Ghetto Booty.

Wow, I write one post on that topic: Diagnosis Ghetto Booty, and the freaks come out of the woodwork. I have a feeling my post wasn’t exactly what they were looking for, but seeing their searches on my stats page cracks me up.

Google on, you freaks…Google on.

PS – Here’s a little something for your time:

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You’re welcome.

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Spell Check Please


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This morning I logged onto Pinterest to find a product to blog about and I came across this pin.  It’s not the product itself that made me laugh, because I have spilled my coffee on my desk before which led to a string of mental curses. This product might actually be useful, except for the fact that I know I would bump into this and manage to spill my drink anyway. Rather, it was the accompanying description the pinner wrote under it:

” Drink clip to keep drinks off your desk and away from spilling on your computer. Genious!!!

Um…Genious??  Clearly you are not one if that’s how you spell it. Spell check goes a long way people!

Just my two cents.

Drink Clip…I must dub thee Unpinteresting simply on the basis of the “genious” who pinned it.

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