Tag Archives: animals

Posh Puppy Purses


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Attention tiny dog owners!!!If you have been so gauche as to actually walk your little smooshy-face on a leash on the mean streets of Manhattan, then you are sooooo out of the loop. If you don’t want your high class friends to drop you like yesterday’s news, then you need the Puppy Purse! You know Sir Smooshy-Face is far too good to let his little tootsies actually touch the pavement where the rest of the heathens walk! Perish the thought, you awful dog owner you! If you’re not carrying  in him in this contraption, or God forbid carrying him in a designer tote bag (which is so last year!) then the rich, snooty dog police may have to give you a citation and seize that little pooch from the life of horror it obviously has been enduring in your care!

Doesn’t he look comfortable? (Um, no he does not!) Well he should be comfortable while he is dangled precariously from that leather strapped harness giving his legs nowhere to go but to float freely in the air as you stroll down Park Avenue. Just make sure your dog is 6 pounds or under, because otherwise it won’t work out. Does that even really need to be said? Come on now, everyone knows the ultra rich only own dogs that small. You can’t possible have a 7 pound dog in your penthouse apartment! It goes against the rules of life, don’t you know!

If you’re looking to transport your own Sir Smoooshy-Face in the most glamorous way possible, you are too late to get one at the PetCo on the Upper West Side. They sold out like hotcakes. (I’m having a hard even picturing the ultra rich ever setting foot in a PetCo!) Fret not though, my snobby friends, because you can browse through a vast selection of Puppy Purses at BitchNewYork.com! Prices range from $66 – $100.00.  Anyone whose anyone buys the $100 Pink Biker Baby Puppy Purse, of course!

I’d keep going, but I must go walk my two giant mastiffs on their leashes now. If they only knew what a low rent owner they really had, huh? Sigh, such white trash we are in this house.

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Original Pet Portrait Illustration


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Look at what I found on Etsy today…an “Original Pet Portrait Illustration” .

Before I give my thoughts, here’s what the seller has to say about it:

Do you love your pet?
get an original portrait illustrated by (Illustrator’s name edited)
I will illustrate any type of pet. Please look at the samples. 
Will be drawn on a 8.5in x 11in bienfang gridded paper 
the lines one the bienfang gridded paper are blue instead of gray. 
Once you place you order I will email you asking for a good head shot portrait photo of your pet. 
The bigger the better so that I can get every detail.

I’m sorry, but who in their right mind would buy this?

Why is that cat’s head on a horribly drawn body with a very ill fitting bikini top? Why are the breasts drawn so far apart? Is the cat an alley cat that hooks in the wee hours of the evening while the owner is asleep?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but the whole graph paper thing is a giant no-go for me. Does it really even matter if the lines are blue or gray? Is the paper really going to be three hole punched like that? If so, are you supposed to put it in a binder and carry it around instead of displaying it? (Why would you display this anyway?)

Cat owners…apparently, you are a large market…so, would any of you actually purchase this?  I’m going to assume no…but if I am wrong, please let me know, and please explain yourself so I can attempt to understand this.

This retails for $20.00, and it even comes with a “surprise drawing as a free gift“.  (God knows what the hell that could be of.) The seller also states she has 18 in stock.  Now, didn’t she say she would do a drawing of your pet for you? Maybe one of those other 18 is the free gift you’ll be getting! Just what you need…two of these!

Original Pet Portrait Illustration…That’s Shitsy!

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***It’s Abode or Commode Time!!****

Do you think this is home worthy or should it go straight in the shitter? Cast your vote and leave your comments below! I’d love to hear from you!

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Pet Peek


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Look at what I found on Pinterest today…the “Pet Peek”. Of course after a little detective work, I found the original site that makes this…as opposed to Solutions, who shows it as out of stock.

Here’s a quick synopsis of the seller’s pitch:

*Every dog should have a point of view, and this product makes it possible!

*Dogs are curious and want to know what’s going on out there! Help satisfy their curiosity and make it possible for them to have a peek!

* Installs easily! (Mmmmhmmm)

I mean, why have this:

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when you can have this:

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and even this:

Yay...the neighbors kid's are watching our every move again!

Yay…the neighbors kid’s are watching our every move again!

Now some of you might think this a spectacular idea, but I guess you would have to have  a “normal” dog to use this. I, however, have two nutty Mastiffs and I KNOW this would never work out!

Here’s what would happen if I installed this on our fence:

1. We would have to install two of them, and even then they would find a way to torture each other to death by trying to look through the same “Pet Peek”. Just what I need to add to my day…those two trying to annoy each other (and me) more than they already do.

2. Their gigando heads would never fit in there. Just what I need to add to my day…my two big goofs ramming their giant noggins against my fence all day.

3. My dogs drool when they get excited. Just what I need to add to my day…having to clean those damn things off so they could actually see past their drool that would coat it.

4. They would bark like champions at everyone and everything that possibly went on in their fields of vision. It wouldn’t matter if a leaf floated by…they would bark at it…thus the reason I have a stockade fence, so they can’t see. Just what I need to add to my day…two dogs barking like lunatics. I think not.

5. If they saw a cat stroll by, they’d try to go through my fence. Just what I need to add to my day…a trip to Home Depot for some new fencing.

This wouldn’t work for me on any level. It just wouldn’t.

However, if you think this is something that your “normal” pooch would LOVE, then head on over to Pet Peek,  pony up $34.98 each, and get to installing this in your fence.  They even offer free shipping on orders of 2-4. Not bad. (I’m sure if you dig far enough on Amazon, you could get it cheaper…just saying.)  Also, apparently it is pretty awesome according to lots of people, because this  has even won product awards.

As for me…Sorry, but I must dub Pet Peek Unpinteresting.  I have more than enough insanity in my house. I really don’t need to purposely add to it.

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Cats Are The Center Of The Universe Hat!


Look at what I found on Etsy today…A Cats Are The Center Of The Universe Hat!!! If you’ve ever read my blog before, you know I am a sucker for ridiculous items people buy for their cats! This baby isn’t even a Black Friday deal…it’s just too bananas not to post!

Cat owners…help me out here please! Why in the hell, of all gifts, would you buy this for your cat? Cats don’t like hats!!! They don’t! Please see Exhibit A: My post Hats For Cats! They HATE hats!!! None of those cats look happy to me! What about the cat above? Does Mr. Notso Fluffy look happy to you? Does he look like he wants the solar system circling his head? No, he most certainly does not! Sheesh!

Here’s what the seller had to say about it:

Your cat knows that it is center of the universe– time to let it know you’re in on the joke! This cat fascinator is a model of our solar system with nine planets attached to the “sun” (cat hat base). This fascinator is for the extremely patient kitty like Notso Fluffy— he will tolerate anything being put on his head and is still for the process. This hat is not meant to be left on kitty’s head for action sequences or for periods of time over a few minutes. 

Planets are made from Styrofoam  painted with acrylic paint and finished with a touch of glitter. They attach to the base using wire which is implanted into more Styrofoam to protect kitty’s head. It is lined with some groovy felt! The cat hat balances well on the back of kitty’s head; using the elastic helps to keep it all in place for short periods of time.

Ah, the word “fascinator” does not even come up with a correct spelling on my spell check…I think she made it up…and no shit that it shouldn’t be left on your kitty’s head for periods of time over a few minutes. How about, it shouldn’t be put your on kitty’s head at.all.ever?!?

People that put hats on their cats are crazy.

If you’re crazy, then shuffle on over to Etsy, pay the seller $25.00 plus $10.00 shipping, and look forward to having one miserable cat that hates you on your hands in the near future.

Cats Are The Center Of The Universe Hat…That’s Shitsy!

(Poor Mr. Notso Fluffy! If I wasn’t allergic to cats, I would drive up to Boston and rescue this poor little bastard from his life of misery. He’d be so much happier in my non-cat-hat-wearing home!)

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Pet Sitter “To Dog” List


Look at this Black Friday deal I found on Etsy today…A Pet Sitter notepad! Let me tell you something…I love my two dogs, but this is just overboard! You have to be the biggest pain in the ass on Earth to pet sit for if you leave this for someone to read and follow!! “Houses To Avoid”? “Grooming”? “Rooms Off Limits”?  Are you kidding me?!? And what the hell is with the “Household Tasks” section??? Unless your dog is a magician and is going to complete those awesome “household tasks” like mail and trash, that shouldn’t even be on there.

You know what I ask my friends to do for my dogs on the rarity that I think they can’t make it while I’m out? I ask them to come over, open my back door so they can go out, and let them back in!  That is IT!!! They won’t even eat if I’m not home! If I left this on the counter, I would get a list back telling me all of the things I could go do to myself and how, waiting for me when I got home.

However, if you are a picky pain in the ass and feel the need to buy this, it retails for $14.00 plus $2.00 shipping. There’s only three in stock, so as always, hurry the hell up!

Pet Sitter “To Dog” List…That’s Shitsy!

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The Desktop Cat Seat


Look at what I found on Pinterest today…a Desktop Cat Seat. I am starting to think I should just make a separate section on my blog about crazy items cat people will buy, because I keep on finding things like this. (If you haven’t read them, please refer to my other posts: Crafting With Cat Hair, Cat Toy Tampon,  and Hats For Cats.)

Anyway, I see this pinned a whole bunch of times on Pinterest and feel the need to investigate further. I found it on the Brookstone  site and apparently this is a HOT seller because it’s totally out of stock! (C’mon…really cat people?!?)

Here’s the exciting description of the product:

Our Desktop Cat Seat gives cats a comfortable place to rest on the desk that’s out of the way, yet still only an arm’s length from a scratch on the belly. Designed for cat owners who work in a home or small office, this indispensable item maintains that all-important distance between paws and keyboard, while giving your cat a cozy nesting box that’s still within easy reach of affection. The soft cushion and high walls will appeal to your cats, while you’ll appreciate the solid pine construction in a choice of attractive finishes. It can be clamped firmly to either side of the desk, or simply placed flat on top–felt pads protect your furniture. Can support a 20-lb. cat, and even small dogs. Cushion cover is machine-washable. 16 1/4″ w x 11″ d x 5″ h.

The people’s comments about the product cracked me up:

*My cat loves this! Now I can get work done! My other cat is jealous, so I’ll have to get another one! (Wait, your cat stops you from doing work? Your other cat is actually jealous? You’re going to have them sit like bookends on your desk while you work on your computer? Wow, your life is way too exciting for me!)

*I have several cats and they actually fight over who gets to lay in it! Sometimes they even double up! (Once I read the words “several cats”, I knew this would be a winner!)

*Our cats always seem to lay on the mouse pad, making work difficult. This gives them a new spot to hang out! It took them a week to use it. (Hey, here’s a thought, shoo the damn cats off your desk when you’re working! Problem solved!)

The comments go on and on, but you get the point. Cat people love this silly product.

Oh, did I mention that it retails for $70.00? Yeah, that’s right…$70.00 so your kitty cat has a place to lay, other than directly on your desk, while you get something accomplished. I cannot believe it. Whatever happened to that free spot on the windowsill? God forbid Sir Fluffy Pain-in-the-Ass should have to suffer the indignity of that, huh?

Maybe it’s because I am a dog person, but I cannot fathom any of this. Cat people let their cats rule the roost, and then buy items like this to perpetuate it. Do you know where my dogs are laying right now, while I type this blog post? They are in the hallway. They don’t feel the need to be up my ass every second of the day, and they most certainly do not get on my desk or countertops. No dog will need a special $70.00 place to lay so they can be close to you. Dogs make themselves comfortable wherever is easiest.  Dogs know their place in life, and cats don’t. That’s just how it is.

So there you have it…Desktop Cat Seat…I dub thee Unpinteresting, and a complete waste of $70.00.

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Hats For Cats


Look at what I found on Etsy today…Hats for Cats! I don’t get it…but apparently there’s quite a market for it.

Personally, I am a dog person…plain and simple. It’s not that I totally dislike cats, but I don’t want one…plus I’m allergic to them.  However, if I wasn’t,  I know that if I ever got a cat, it would be the kind that winds up hiding under the couch and hissing at everyone, and would walk on my kitchen counter at free will. No thank you. I would want to get the kind that thinks it’s a dog and actually wants to be around people, but I know that wouldn’t happen. Thus, I just stick to dogs.

Anyway, I have a hard time understanding hard-core cat people. Perhaps they have taken the words of Dr. Seuss a little too seriously.  It seems they love to dress their cats up in hats. I don’t think cats like that…as evidenced by the looks on their faces in the following pictures. Let me know if you think you see a single happy cat in the bunch:

The Midnight Cowboy Hat and Wild Side Collar – “The party will stop and jaws will drop when your cat struts in wearing this!”

The Mad Cow Hat – “Intended for cats who are looking to cause a ruckus in their community”.

He wore a Strawberry Beret…an ode to Prince….straight from the “Fresh Fruit” inspired line. (She totally should have done Raspberry…just saying)

The Frog Hat…perfect for sneaking up on that pond behind your house.

The Little Miss Sunshine Party Hat and Collar…”So they will feel like they are part of the celebration.”

The Little Devil Hat – “Even the sweetest of cats will look naughty in this!”

There are some holiday hats too:

The Kitty Sombrero…just in time for Cinco De Mayo.

It’s the Hoppy Easter hat…because your cat likes to hop on everything anyway.

The Feeling Sheepish hat…which could totally be used at Easter Time! (God, he looks miserable!)

The Regal Meowy Christmas Hat…He has got to hate having his ears covered like that.

Cat Santa Costume…”Your cat will bounce with joy that you included him in the Christmas festivities!”

The Christmas Bonnet and Dress

and a multi-purpose holiday get-up…

The Uncle Sam Hat and Collar…Can be used for both the 4th of July (which cats really love) and on Election Day. “He’ll have your friends and neighbors guessing who he voted for!”

And finally, for your Rock and Roll Cat…

The White Mohawk and Glittery Glasses Get-Up

and my personal favorite…

The Multi-Colored Mohawk…Perfect for your cat that wants to rock and roll all night, and party everyday! It matches everything!

So there you have it…Hats for Cats! I seriously did not see a single Mr. Meow Meow look happy about wearing any of these, but I’m sure their owners are thrilled…and that’s what really counts here, isn’t it?

Hats for Cats…That’s Shitsy!

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