Tag Archives: art

Original Pet Portrait Illustration


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Look at what I found on Etsy today…an “Original Pet Portrait Illustration” .

Before I give my thoughts, here’s what the seller has to say about it:

Do you love your pet?
get an original portrait illustrated by (Illustrator’s name edited)
I will illustrate any type of pet. Please look at the samples. 
Will be drawn on a 8.5in x 11in bienfang gridded paper 
the lines one the bienfang gridded paper are blue instead of gray. 
Once you place you order I will email you asking for a good head shot portrait photo of your pet. 
The bigger the better so that I can get every detail.

I’m sorry, but who in their right mind would buy this?

Why is that cat’s head on a horribly drawn body with a very ill fitting bikini top? Why are the breasts drawn so far apart? Is the cat an alley cat that hooks in the wee hours of the evening while the owner is asleep?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but the whole graph paper thing is a giant no-go for me. Does it really even matter if the lines are blue or gray? Is the paper really going to be three hole punched like that? If so, are you supposed to put it in a binder and carry it around instead of displaying it? (Why would you display this anyway?)

Cat owners…apparently, you are a large market…so, would any of you actually purchase this?  I’m going to assume no…but if I am wrong, please let me know, and please explain yourself so I can attempt to understand this.

This retails for $20.00, and it even comes with a “surprise drawing as a free gift“.  (God knows what the hell that could be of.) The seller also states she has 18 in stock.  Now, didn’t she say she would do a drawing of your pet for you? Maybe one of those other 18 is the free gift you’ll be getting! Just what you need…two of these!

Original Pet Portrait Illustration…That’s Shitsy!

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***It’s Abode or Commode Time!!****

Do you think this is home worthy or should it go straight in the shitter? Cast your vote and leave your comments below! I’d love to hear from you!

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Sister and Brother – Horse Mask Portrait


il_570xN.417011264_tgyqLook at what I found on Etsy today… “Sister and Brother 8X8 Fine Art Print – Two Children, Horse Masks”.

OK – Can someone tell me what the hell is going on here?

Why would you want this?

Why are these children wearing masks? Better yet, why are these children wearing “horse masks” of all things?  Are these children so bad looking that they need to wear horse masks? Were they kidnapped by the Mob? I want answers!

What exactly possessed the “artist” to come up with this? “Do you know what would look nice? A portrait of a brother and sister holding hands and wearing horse masks. OMG, I am going to be RICH from this shot! RICH, I tell ya!!” (No, you’re really not.)

Did she not notice the girl’s shirt is doing the semi-tucked thing? Gahhh, that drives me nuts. Tuck or don’t tuck!!! Pick one!

How do I even know they’re siblings? I can’t tell if they look related because they have those damn horse masks on. I bet they are just two stray neighborhood kids who posed for this because they’ll do anything for some attention. Siblings…Pffftttt.

Who would actually want those creepy horse masks staring at them all day from their prized spot on the wall? Go ahead, scroll up and take a better look. I’ll wait…

Yeah…that’s creepy…and they look pretty pissed off if you ask me. I have never even seen a real live horse make that face…and if I did, I would run. Horses are beautiful creatures…couldn’t she find masks that represented that? Obviously not.

You know who I would get this for? Someone I would want to torment. It’d be fun to go to their house on a later occasion and ask “Hey, where’s that awesome horse mask portrait I bought you? What, you didn’t like it? Seriously?? Wow, you’re really an ingrate. That’s the last time I buy you a gift and try to give you a little culture!” 

The seller doesn’t even try to make any real selling points here…just that it’s a “sweet little family portrait”.  I guess it speaks for itself though, doesn’t it? BTW, I think I missed the “sweet” part.

Well, if you seem to find some beauty in this, you can purchase it for $25.00 plus $3.00 shipping…unless you live in Australia…that’ll cost you an extra buck. You don’t have to make your mind up right this minute though…she’s got four in stock. I say sleep on it.

Sister and Brother Horse Mask Portrait…That’s Shitsy!

** Here’s your chance to weigh in! The newest segment on my blog is “Abode or Commode“. Let me know what you think! Is it house-worthy, or should it go right in the shitter? Leave your responses below! Since you are already reading my blog, I can assume that you have impeccable taste, so why not share it with me? 😉  I look forward to seeing your opinions!!

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Snowflake Project – Sandy Hook Elementary School


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For any of you wishing to be a part of the Snowflake Project for the Sandy Hook Elementary School, there has been an address correction! Please send your glittery, beautiful snowflakes to the following address:

Connecticut PTSA
60 Connolly Parkway, Building 12, Suite 103
Hamden, CT 06514

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The Laziest Christmas Lights EVER…


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Look at what I found on Pinterest today…The Firefly Landscape Laser Lights…AKA the laziest Christmas lights EVER.

Here’s what the seller, Solutions, has to say about it:

We guarantee you won’t miss the tradition of climbing a ladder on a cold, snowy or rainy day to string lights. Instead, just plug in this light. Your home, your trees, your entire yard will come to life with a stunning light show. This all-new way to decorate uses cutting-edge laser and holographic technology to project thousands of pin-points of green light…it gives the impression of thousands of fireflies!

OK…Let me tell you a little something about this…It’s just plain stupid…and lazy…and did I mention stupid?!? Are you kidding me that someone would actually hook this thing up in their front yard, point it at their home, and think this passes as a Christmas display? It most certainly does not. First of all, the lights are on everything under the sun…the house, the windows, the front stairs,  the lawn, the sky…C’mon! Nobody, not even Clark Griswald, does that!

Want to see how great it looks in the middle of the night? Prepare yourself…

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Oh yeah, that looks fantastic, doesn’t it?? I’m sure the neighbors will all be really jealous of that house. It looks like a scene out of a B Horror movie!

This company needs to take an angle and stick to it! How do they market this as  thousands of fireflies and then say this is a great solution to being cold and hanging Christmas lights? It is not a great solution to anything.  Is it fireflies or is it Christmas lights? Is it both? I personally have to go with neither!

I’m fairly certain they made up the great reviews too:

*By Pearl, from East Tennessee
 
Pros: ease of use, covers a large area, more spectacular than described, use throughout the year
“I’ve seen a lot of light displays – this ONE elicited my dance of joy! One light source, easy to install (plug in). The trees are full of twinkling “snow flakes”. From the house hang glistening “icicles”. The light is far-reaching – just a flip of the switch turns my entire yard into a fairy land. I highly recommend this product. The spectacular effects and ease of operation make this well worth the price. I continue to be amazed by the cheerful beauty created by this one.”
I am frightened that Pearl actually did a dance of joy over this! Twinkling snowflakes?!? Glistening icicles? What the hell is she looking at?
*By John, from Lakeland, Fl

“I bought this to help decorate my front yard for Christmas. I have a huge Magnolia tree that is now completely lit up! My neighbors can’t believe how cool this thing is. It’s well made and works great.”
Dear John, Your neighbors are lying through their teeth!
*and finally by Bob, from New Jersey

 Pros: easy
“With just plugging in, the most unique Christmas display on the street. It was a neighborhood hit!”
Bob, I speak for everyone in our great state of NJ, when I say it was only the hit of the neighborhood behind your back. I’m embarrassed Bob. That’s not how we roll in Jersey at Christmas time!
If you would like to be the laziest person on your street with the worst Christmas light display EVER, then swing on by Solutions, and get ready to drop a cool $279.00 on this Christmas horror. Sweet Baby Jesus! It’s over $300.00 with shipping! I cannot believe anyone would actually buy this, but you know my motto “People are stupid”, and apparently lazier than I ever gave them credit for. Wow. Just WOW!
Firefly Landscape Laser Lights…..I dub thee Unpinteresting, Shitsy, and a complete eyesore.

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Custom Vagina Ornament


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Look at what I found on Etsy today…a Custom Vagina Ornament for your Christmas tree.

I have to tell you that I never knew there was such a market for vagina-like items until I started poking around for my blog….but I digress.

Before I go any further, here’s what the seller had to say about it:
***TODAY (Dec. 9) IS THE LAST DAY to order Christmas *%#$@, &#$&@, (I REALLY had to censor that!) and pendants handmade by me before I shut down my shop for the rest of the year. With Christmas visitors now on the way, I am now unable to take additional orders past the 9th on made-to-order items. I am only making ONE MORE BATCH THIS YEAR, so get your order in now if you want one!***

Never another dull ornament exchange or Secret Santa game again. Something to be re-gifted year after year for added holiday fun!

Ah, the beauty of womanhood! Perfect as a OOAK (one of a kind) gag gift for that special someone, or to hang on the Christmas tree, office cubicle (or anywhere else you imagination come up with)!

(Just tell Grandma it’s a flower. Think Georgia O’Keefe!)

Ummm. Yeah. That’s what she’s selling (and another censored body part too) for you to hang on your tree this season.

You know what I hope? I hope Grandma knows exactly what that is  and embarrasses you in front of the entire family by proclaiming “Who the hell hangs a vagina on their Christmas tree?!?”.  Now that would be a Christmas memory that would be talked about for years to come.

As the seller stated, today is the LAST DAY she is making these classy ornaments, so if you want to order one, you have to get over to her shop on Etsy by midnight. She wants $29.99 for this. I don’t really foresee a stampede occurring here. I’m sure she will have plenty of time to spend with her “Christmas visitors” who are “on the way”, who clearly have no idea what an entrepreneur she really is.

Custom Vagina Ornament…That’s Shitsy!

 

 

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Ryan Gosling as a Slice of Everything Pizza


Looking for a Christmas gift for that special someone? Well look no further, because look at what I found on Etsy today…Ryan Gosling as a Slice of Everything Pizza.

I’m sure you know someone who loves Ryan Gosling. I mean, who hasn’t seen The Notebook?

I’m sure you know someone who loves everything pizza. I mean, who doesn’t love everything pizza? It’s a total crowd pleaser, and you can always just pick off the items you don’t like, or just eat it as it is, in all of it’s glory!

I’m sure you know someone who loves both Ryan Gosling AND everything pizza. I mean, that’s one hell of a combo right there!

If so, why not make your way on over to Etsy and buy this for that person with impeccable taste? It retails for $40.00 plus $5.00 shipping. Unfortunately there is no Christmas deal on this one, but hey, isn’t your Ryan Gossling/pizza with everything loving,  special someone, worth it?

Ryan Gosling as a Slice of Everything Pizza…That’s Shitsy!

PS – I am not down with his crooked eyes. He’s been in the running for “World’s Sexiest Man’ quite a few times. The man has eyes that are even on his face, so why aren’t they in this painting? Sigh.

PPS – I wonder if Ryan Gosling knows this fine piece of art work exists?

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Black Friday/Cyber Monday Deals!


What better time to pick back up on my blog than Black Friday/Cyber Monday, crazy-ass shopping time? It’s been a long few weeks here on the Jersey Shore, but I think it’s time to share some humor…you know, now that the “stress free’ holiday season is upon us!

All weekend long, I will be posting outstanding “Oh Yes They Did” kinds of deals and stories I would never want you to miss out on. Consider it my gift to you!

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