Tag Archives: beards

Beard Oil


Look at this Black Friday deal I found on Etsy…Beard Oil!!! This is not just any old Beard Oil, my friends…it’s Olive and Rosemary Beard Oil!!! Oooooooo!!

I have to say that this is the first I have ever heard of such a thing! Is it just me on this one? Who knew that one was supposed to condition their lovely beard hair to make it all soft, silky, and pleasant smelling?!? “Not I!”, said the fly!(That’s one of those wacky expressions my mom used to use….but I digress.)

Here’s what I learned about Beard Oil from the seller:

One bottle goes a LONG way. You only need to use a COUPLE DROPS…. literally!

It’s more about massaging the couple of drops all into the beard hair. Everyone’s process is different, but the general idea is to not saturate the hair, but to just touch it with your oil-moistened fingertips and spread VERY THINLY throughout the beard. This takes a FEW MINUTES but is well worth it for the awesome results.

We’ve heard results can start in as little as 20 minutes. And we made O&R Beard Oil with ingredients that are non-toxic, safe and natural. We also chose ingredients that won’t clog pores!
This is Fragrance Free, however the Rosemary Oil brings a nice aroma to the oils.
We’ve made this formula to be absolutely enjoyable and EFFECTIVE for softening those bristle-like hairs without smelly perfumes or weird additives. Your beard won’t look like a glistening glitter bomb either. It’s muted and you’ll never know it’s there just by looking.

Can I just say that I really love that the seller uses the adjective “glistening glitter bomb”?!? Man, that is some genius marketing skills right there!

The biggest selling point…“I’ve been a mechanic for over 20 years and I got tired of using the same old useless products on the market that over-promise and under-deliver!”  Amen brother!!! If anyone knows about needing a soft beard, it’s a mechanic. They get oil and transmission fluid and shit in their beards. That’s some extra scrubbing for them after a long day in the shop! Betcha the Beard Oil cleans that goop right off, lickety split!

The Beard Oil must be some fantastic stuff because here’s a review:

Audrey says:

{ “Jeez Louise, this stuff makes me wish I had a beard. I’m so excited for him to use it. It smells fabulous. Thanks for the super fast shipping. Xoxoxo” }

C’mon now Audrey…you DO NOT wish you had a beard! Do you? Really? Stop it! When you get around 50, you can use this on the stray hairs that will begin to sprout under chin…how’s that?

Anyway, this retails for $10.95 plus $3.95 shipping. There’s 100 in stock, so no need to hurry the hell up on this one.

Beard Oil…That’s Shitsy!

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Pocket Manfriends


Look at what I found on Etsy today…Pocket Manfriends!

Ladies, are you sick of meeting Mr. Wrong? Has strutting around the Home Depot in your slinkiest of dresses for hours in hopes of hooking a crafty man just not panned out for you? Does online dating scare the shit out of you? Or, as the seller states, “Are you lost without a manly man by your side?” (ie – Are you completely desperate?) Do you want a man that will really listen to your problems and won’t complain about the 10 cats roaming around your house?Well look no further, because your lonely days are over now that you know Pocket Manfriends exist!

Since everyone has their own idea of what they are looking for in that dream man, the seller has quite a few manfriends to choose from. Each comes with a description of what he’s all about, because in case you forgot, looks aren’t everything! (Unless you’re completely shallow…then they are!) You do have to really like beards though, because each one is bearded. Here are some of the eligible bachelors just waiting for you to carry them around in your pocket all day long: (Cue the Dating Game Music)

Craig

This pocket manfriend is called Craig. Take him anywhere with you for moral support. All the best bits about a manfriend (Craig cooks a killer spaghetti bolognese and has hairy feet. Very good at hugging. Favours a hunting sock and a goosedown vest) in a pocket-sized format for portability and even sharing. (The fact that he’ll make sure your house is a the perfect temperature is totally worth the hairy feet!)

Claude

This pocket manfriend is called Claude. He’s a family man and badminton champion. Irons his boxers, secretly likes a good chick flick.  (He does his own ironing? Yahtzee!)

Dominic

This pocket manfriend is called Dominic. If you like spicy foods, he’s your man. He makes a killer picante. He has hair black as the night and owns two cats called Henry and Santiago. Keeps his home clean and his motorcycle shiny. (Yay! He owns cats too!)

Eric

This pocket manfriend is called Eric. Graphic designer, bike enthusiast, vegetarian. Combs his beard. Collects vintage armchairs. (Beard combing…huge bonus!)

Ray

This pocket manfriend is called Ray. He’s got firey-ginger hair and a firey temper to match. Accountant by day, serious jazz enthusiast by night. A Capricorn. Very particular about his coffee.  (You better make his coffee right, lest you get to see his fiery temper!)

George

This pocket manfriend is called George. He’s a magician and a pescatarian. Likes his shoes shiny and his trousers pressed. An elusive chap, but a gentleman at heart. (Pescatarian means he only eats seafood. No animal flesh! I looked it up!)

Nicholas

This pocket manfriend is called Nicholas. Drinks red stripe lager out of the can, wears tightey whiteys and teaches science. Has a pet rat. Doesn’t often wash, but is very funny. (Uh oh, your cats may not like his pet rat…and funny totally makes up for dirty, doesn’t it?)

Kenneth

This pocket manfriend is called Kenneth. He’s the blonde one. Challenge him at scrabble at your peril. Mixed martial arts junkie, hip hop fiend, has a beagle called Patrick. (That’s going to be one marathon game of Scrabble. Clear your calendar!)

Eugene

This pocket manfriend is called Eugene. Perfectionist, artist, strong minded, stubborn. His hair is black as coal. His heart is lonely without you. (His goatee screams artsy!)

A “special edition”  manfriend:

Peter…whose stubble makes him “special”

Peter’s job as an animator keeps him indoors but his heart is in the open outdoors. He’s got carabiners in his pockets and calluses on his hands. A rock climber at heart, he will be your rock and steal your heart. (OMG, he’s got pockets too!)

Don’t see one you like? Are none of these men good enough for you? Yeah, they all do seem like a bunch of pain in the asses with their quirks. You’re trying to buy Mr. Right here. You don’t need to put up with that shit! Put your foot down girl, and just make your own perfect man!

Design Your Own Manfriend!

If Nicholas, Ray, Craig, Eric, Dominic, Kenneth, Claude and Eugene aren’t your type, here’s your chance to design your own manfriend. That’s right, you choose everything – skin, hair, beard, eyes, even his name and personality – if only it could be this easy in real life!

Each of these manfriends costs $11.30, unless you decide to go out on a limb and design your own. That’ll set you back $20.67. They take about five days for her to send out to you…but hey what’s a few more days of waiting since you’ve been sitting around this whole time waiting for Prince Charming to show up anyway, right? Besides, it gives you plenty of time to shave your legs and buy a new dress with pockets!

Pocket Manfriends…That’s Shitsy…and maybe the most desperate thing I’ve ever seen.

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