Tag Archives: Christmas parties

Santa Claus Lycra Spandex Suit



Would you like to put an image in children’s minds that would possibly scar them forever? Perhaps a really bratty niece or nephew? How about that annoying neighborhood kid that gets under your skin all year long? (There’s always one!)

Do you have some sweet paunch that could fill this out in a horrific manner? (I mean, really…who do you know that could perfectly fill this out?)

Do you want to absolutely destroy the upcoming Christmas party you really don’t even want to go to?

Do you not mind lycra vacuum sealed across your face?  (It is a good idea to disguise your face if you’re going to wear this!)

If you answered yes to any of the aforementioned queries, or came up with your own reason (I won’t judge!), then hustle your holly jolly ass over to milanoo.com, and for $52.99, you’ll be able to  squeeze yourself into this bad boy before you know it! (If you do, can you please send pics so I can enjoy your brazenness!) By the way, it’s unisex. (Seriously ladies…NO! Let the men poorly rock this!)

Santa Claus Lycra Spandex Suit…total Internet Score!!


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Wine Glass Calorie Counter…No Bueno!


Welcome to December!!! Every day, up until Christmas, I will be featuring all kinds of “Oh No They Didn’t” Christmas related posts…be it crazy gifts or crafts. Consider it my very own Christmas countdown for you! Hopefully you’ll check in every day to see what happy little treasure I’ve found!

So, this is what I found on Pinterest today…A Wine Glass Calorie Counter.

Let me tell you something about this…If I go to someone’s house for a Christmas Party, and this is the wine glass they hand me, I am going to be PISSED! Why would you try to ruin my beloved wine for me? I LOVE wine. It is the nectar of the Gods and this is the glass you pour it in, you heathen???  Wine falls in the same category as birthday cake…there are no calories in either one…haven’t you heard? If not, you really need to get out more!

You know who does something like this…those pain in the ass nutrition freaks who HAVE TO tell you “how bad” everything is for you. “If you drink two glasses of wine, you’ll have to work out a little extra tomorrow to burn that off.”  Shut up…seriously. Guess what sister? I’m going straight for the “Who Cares” line, and there’s a good chance I may drink most of the bottle…because it’s a god-damn PARTY…and tomorrow, if my head hurts a little, I won’t even go work out. I’ll just lay on the couch with my extra calories making some new fat cells, how’s that?!?  Did you give the beer drinkers mugs with calorie counts on them? What about the mixed drinks glasses or the Egg Nog glasses? Are you ruining those for everyone too, or is it just me over here trying to enjoy my healthy wine? Did you put  little caloric intake signs next to all of the dips, cheeses, and desserts you put out? No?!? Then don’t do it to my wine glass either! Besides, wine keeps the blood flowing…therefore, I’m fairly certain mine runs through my veins like a freight train. Next time, worry about yourself. I’m good, trust me.

This wine glass is nothing short of a deal breaker for me.  In fact, it may spell the end of a friendship. ( Although in taking a mental inventory of my friends, I can’t think of one who would do this!)  It is entirely unacceptable! In fact, if you put these glasses out, I think it’s a written guarantee that you are no fun and your party is going to be a few hours of my life that I can’t get back. Thanks a lot.

Wine Glass Calorie Counter…I dub thee Unpinteresting!

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