Tag Archives: home decor

Sister and Brother – Horse Mask Portrait


il_570xN.417011264_tgyqLook at what I found on Etsy today… “Sister and Brother 8X8 Fine Art Print – Two Children, Horse Masks”.

OK – Can someone tell me what the hell is going on here?

Why would you want this?

Why are these children wearing masks? Better yet, why are these children wearing “horse masks” of all things?  Are these children so bad looking that they need to wear horse masks? Were they kidnapped by the Mob? I want answers!

What exactly possessed the “artist” to come up with this? “Do you know what would look nice? A portrait of a brother and sister holding hands and wearing horse masks. OMG, I am going to be RICH from this shot! RICH, I tell ya!!” (No, you’re really not.)

Did she not notice the girl’s shirt is doing the semi-tucked thing? Gahhh, that drives me nuts. Tuck or don’t tuck!!! Pick one!

How do I even know they’re siblings? I can’t tell if they look related because they have those damn horse masks on. I bet they are just two stray neighborhood kids who posed for this because they’ll do anything for some attention. Siblings…Pffftttt.

Who would actually want those creepy horse masks staring at them all day from their prized spot on the wall? Go ahead, scroll up and take a better look. I’ll wait…

Yeah…that’s creepy…and they look pretty pissed off if you ask me. I have never even seen a real live horse make that face…and if I did, I would run. Horses are beautiful creatures…couldn’t she find masks that represented that? Obviously not.

You know who I would get this for? Someone I would want to torment. It’d be fun to go to their house on a later occasion and ask “Hey, where’s that awesome horse mask portrait I bought you? What, you didn’t like it? Seriously?? Wow, you’re really an ingrate. That’s the last time I buy you a gift and try to give you a little culture!” 

The seller doesn’t even try to make any real selling points here…just that it’s a “sweet little family portrait”.  I guess it speaks for itself though, doesn’t it? BTW, I think I missed the “sweet” part.

Well, if you seem to find some beauty in this, you can purchase it for $25.00 plus $3.00 shipping…unless you live in Australia…that’ll cost you an extra buck. You don’t have to make your mind up right this minute though…she’s got four in stock. I say sleep on it.

Sister and Brother Horse Mask Portrait…That’s Shitsy!

** Here’s your chance to weigh in! The newest segment on my blog is “Abode or Commode“. Let me know what you think! Is it house-worthy, or should it go right in the shitter? Leave your responses below! Since you are already reading my blog, I can assume that you have impeccable taste, so why not share it with me? 😉  I look forward to seeing your opinions!!

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Pet Peek


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Look at what I found on Pinterest today…the “Pet Peek”. Of course after a little detective work, I found the original site that makes this…as opposed to Solutions, who shows it as out of stock.

Here’s a quick synopsis of the seller’s pitch:

*Every dog should have a point of view, and this product makes it possible!

*Dogs are curious and want to know what’s going on out there! Help satisfy their curiosity and make it possible for them to have a peek!

* Installs easily! (Mmmmhmmm)

I mean, why have this:

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when you can have this:

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and even this:

Yay...the neighbors kid's are watching our every move again!

Yay…the neighbors kid’s are watching our every move again!

Now some of you might think this a spectacular idea, but I guess you would have to have  a “normal” dog to use this. I, however, have two nutty Mastiffs and I KNOW this would never work out!

Here’s what would happen if I installed this on our fence:

1. We would have to install two of them, and even then they would find a way to torture each other to death by trying to look through the same “Pet Peek”. Just what I need to add to my day…those two trying to annoy each other (and me) more than they already do.

2. Their gigando heads would never fit in there. Just what I need to add to my day…my two big goofs ramming their giant noggins against my fence all day.

3. My dogs drool when they get excited. Just what I need to add to my day…having to clean those damn things off so they could actually see past their drool that would coat it.

4. They would bark like champions at everyone and everything that possibly went on in their fields of vision. It wouldn’t matter if a leaf floated by…they would bark at it…thus the reason I have a stockade fence, so they can’t see. Just what I need to add to my day…two dogs barking like lunatics. I think not.

5. If they saw a cat stroll by, they’d try to go through my fence. Just what I need to add to my day…a trip to Home Depot for some new fencing.

This wouldn’t work for me on any level. It just wouldn’t.

However, if you think this is something that your “normal” pooch would LOVE, then head on over to Pet Peek,  pony up $34.98 each, and get to installing this in your fence.  They even offer free shipping on orders of 2-4. Not bad. (I’m sure if you dig far enough on Amazon, you could get it cheaper…just saying.)  Also, apparently it is pretty awesome according to lots of people, because this  has even won product awards.

As for me…Sorry, but I must dub Pet Peek Unpinteresting.  I have more than enough insanity in my house. I really don’t need to purposely add to it.

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The Laziest Christmas Lights EVER…


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Look at what I found on Pinterest today…The Firefly Landscape Laser Lights…AKA the laziest Christmas lights EVER.

Here’s what the seller, Solutions, has to say about it:

We guarantee you won’t miss the tradition of climbing a ladder on a cold, snowy or rainy day to string lights. Instead, just plug in this light. Your home, your trees, your entire yard will come to life with a stunning light show. This all-new way to decorate uses cutting-edge laser and holographic technology to project thousands of pin-points of green light…it gives the impression of thousands of fireflies!

OK…Let me tell you a little something about this…It’s just plain stupid…and lazy…and did I mention stupid?!? Are you kidding me that someone would actually hook this thing up in their front yard, point it at their home, and think this passes as a Christmas display? It most certainly does not. First of all, the lights are on everything under the sun…the house, the windows, the front stairs,  the lawn, the sky…C’mon! Nobody, not even Clark Griswald, does that!

Want to see how great it looks in the middle of the night? Prepare yourself…

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Oh yeah, that looks fantastic, doesn’t it?? I’m sure the neighbors will all be really jealous of that house. It looks like a scene out of a B Horror movie!

This company needs to take an angle and stick to it! How do they market this as  thousands of fireflies and then say this is a great solution to being cold and hanging Christmas lights? It is not a great solution to anything.  Is it fireflies or is it Christmas lights? Is it both? I personally have to go with neither!

I’m fairly certain they made up the great reviews too:

*By Pearl, from East Tennessee
 
Pros: ease of use, covers a large area, more spectacular than described, use throughout the year
“I’ve seen a lot of light displays – this ONE elicited my dance of joy! One light source, easy to install (plug in). The trees are full of twinkling “snow flakes”. From the house hang glistening “icicles”. The light is far-reaching – just a flip of the switch turns my entire yard into a fairy land. I highly recommend this product. The spectacular effects and ease of operation make this well worth the price. I continue to be amazed by the cheerful beauty created by this one.”
I am frightened that Pearl actually did a dance of joy over this! Twinkling snowflakes?!? Glistening icicles? What the hell is she looking at?
*By John, from Lakeland, Fl

“I bought this to help decorate my front yard for Christmas. I have a huge Magnolia tree that is now completely lit up! My neighbors can’t believe how cool this thing is. It’s well made and works great.”
Dear John, Your neighbors are lying through their teeth!
*and finally by Bob, from New Jersey

 Pros: easy
“With just plugging in, the most unique Christmas display on the street. It was a neighborhood hit!”
Bob, I speak for everyone in our great state of NJ, when I say it was only the hit of the neighborhood behind your back. I’m embarrassed Bob. That’s not how we roll in Jersey at Christmas time!
If you would like to be the laziest person on your street with the worst Christmas light display EVER, then swing on by Solutions, and get ready to drop a cool $279.00 on this Christmas horror. Sweet Baby Jesus! It’s over $300.00 with shipping! I cannot believe anyone would actually buy this, but you know my motto “People are stupid”, and apparently lazier than I ever gave them credit for. Wow. Just WOW!
Firefly Landscape Laser Lights…..I dub thee Unpinteresting, Shitsy, and a complete eyesore.

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Custom Vagina Ornament


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Look at what I found on Etsy today…a Custom Vagina Ornament for your Christmas tree.

I have to tell you that I never knew there was such a market for vagina-like items until I started poking around for my blog….but I digress.

Before I go any further, here’s what the seller had to say about it:
***TODAY (Dec. 9) IS THE LAST DAY to order Christmas *%#$@, &#$&@, (I REALLY had to censor that!) and pendants handmade by me before I shut down my shop for the rest of the year. With Christmas visitors now on the way, I am now unable to take additional orders past the 9th on made-to-order items. I am only making ONE MORE BATCH THIS YEAR, so get your order in now if you want one!***

Never another dull ornament exchange or Secret Santa game again. Something to be re-gifted year after year for added holiday fun!

Ah, the beauty of womanhood! Perfect as a OOAK (one of a kind) gag gift for that special someone, or to hang on the Christmas tree, office cubicle (or anywhere else you imagination come up with)!

(Just tell Grandma it’s a flower. Think Georgia O’Keefe!)

Ummm. Yeah. That’s what she’s selling (and another censored body part too) for you to hang on your tree this season.

You know what I hope? I hope Grandma knows exactly what that is  and embarrasses you in front of the entire family by proclaiming “Who the hell hangs a vagina on their Christmas tree?!?”.  Now that would be a Christmas memory that would be talked about for years to come.

As the seller stated, today is the LAST DAY she is making these classy ornaments, so if you want to order one, you have to get over to her shop on Etsy by midnight. She wants $29.99 for this. I don’t really foresee a stampede occurring here. I’m sure she will have plenty of time to spend with her “Christmas visitors” who are “on the way”, who clearly have no idea what an entrepreneur she really is.

Custom Vagina Ornament…That’s Shitsy!

 

 

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Bottle Opening Universal Remote


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Look at what I found on Pinterest today…The Bottle Opening Universal Remote!

Ladies, did you already buy your man a Christmas gift? You did? Well I hope you kept the receipt, because you need to return it, and get him this! This may be one of the greatest inventions EVER…that’s right, I said EVER!  A Universal remote that has a bottle opener on the side will make you the greatest gift giver in the history of gift giving to any man. He can sit in his chair, watch the game, change channels, and open his beer all at the same time.  Any man I know would call this gift a dream come true. The only thing that will make this a better gift is if you get him a mini-fridge to put next to his chair. That way you won’t have to grab him a beer “while you’re up”.  (This is my husband’s favorite move. Just looking out for you!)

If you’d like to be the wife or girlfriend he brags about this Christmas, head on over to Brookstone and order it! This awesome gift retails for $24.99, $12.99!!! Yes, it is currently half price!!! Even better! Take that other $12.49 and go buy yourself something pretty. You deserve it!

Bottle Opening Universal Remote…Completely Pinteresting!

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Hanukkah Card


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Look at what I found on Etsy today…A “Funny Hanukkah Card”…just in time to celebrate Hanukkah 2012!  They are $4.50 each, and there are only five in stock, so hurry up if you want one! Plus, you have 8 days for it to get to your house and to give it out!

Happy Hanukkah, my friends!

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Moss Bath Rug


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I thought you might need a closer look!

I thought you might need a closer look!

 

 

Look at what I found on Pinterest today…a Moss Bath Rug. I researched this item a little further, and yes, it is legit.

Without boring you to death with the product descriptions I read (You’re welcome!), I will just give you the skinny on it myself:

*The rug itself is made from foam, and it contains three types of moss: Ball, Island, and Forest.

*Clearly it thrives from you standing on it when you get out of the shower soaking wet, and from the humidity in your bathroom after you take a nice hot shower.

*It’s environmentally friendly, and as green as you can get…blahhhh, blahhhh.

OK, let’s just cut to the chase here:

*I did not just take a shower so I can step my cleanly washed feet on some moss. It defeats the purpose for me. Now I have to sit down and clean my feet off again, and dry them with a towel. Damn it.

*I don’t know about you, but I shed so much hair that it winds up everywhere. Just what I need, another friggin chore to add to my never ending list of fun things I do when I come home from work…cleaning my hair out of the moss bath rug. Nope, not appealing.

*This baby costs an average of $115.00!  W.H.A.T?!? Uh-uh.  Not happening.

Moss Bath Rug…I dub thee Unpinteresting.

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