The Goatee Saver

Look at what I found on Pinterest today…The Goatee Saver! Guys are you too stupid to correctly shave around your goatee? Do you get the hangover shakes after a night of boozing with the fellas but still need to trim up that gorgeous facial hair of yours before you go to work? Do you possess a nervous tic that makes your shaving hand jump uncontrollably yet still want to look stylin’ for the ladies? If so, then this is the product for you!

I actually thought this was some kind of joke product until I googled it and found it on Amazon.com, retailing for $19.99.

Here’s the product description:

• A shaving template designed to shape and form your goatee
• Saves time by allowing precise shaving of your desired goatee shape every day
• Creates & maintains a perfectly shaped goatee
• Eliminates crooked goatees and those occasional shaving mishaps
• The template is adjustable to fit most size faces and goatee styles. (Apparently if you have Jay Leno face, don’t bother because that is the face size it doesn’t fit. I looked it up. By the way, if you have Jay Leno face, you really shouldn’t sport a goatee anyway. It would just look like a hairy projectile coming at the rest of us! No one would ever be able to focus on anything that’s coming out of your mouth because they’d be too busy staring at it in horror. Just my two cents!)

How does this baby stay into place while one oh-so-carefully shaves around it? Well, you can either hold it up against your face with your other hand or you can use the bite plate that comes with it to hold it there. Some reviewers state that when you put the bite plate in your mouth, you really need to give it a good push to get the proper suction against your face or it could become askew, and then you have officially defeated the purpose of trying to create the perfect goatee.

I read the reviews and they are pretty mixed. Some guys think it’s the greatest invention since sliced bread and others think it’s the biggest piece of shit ever marketed.

I’m going to emphatically state that if I walked in the bathroom and saw my husband using this, my face would look nothing like the lady’s look of adoration as shown in the picture above.

My personal opinion… if you need this to shave your goatee, perhaps you shouldn’t have one. In fact, you don’t even deserve one.

Goatee Saver, I dub thee Unpinteresting!