Tag Archives: motherhood

Not Your Typical Baby Shower Game…


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Ladies, unless the baby shower is for you, your sister, or your best friend, you know you roll your eyes a little bit every time you get an invitation for one. They are definitely more fun than bridal showers, but by the time of cake is served, the last gift is opened, and the adorable mother-to-be poses in her hat made of bows, you know you are mentally figuring out just how much longer you have to sit there before you can make your escape. C’mon…you know this is the truth.

Ladies, you also know that you’re going to have to play the requisite baby shower games. It’s just part of the deal to keep your interest while the gifts are opened. It’s always the same basic stuff…especially the whole “gift bingo” thing. (Side note…Am I the only one who totally goes blank halfway through filling that out? You know what she’s going to get, but when that half blank board is sitting in front of you, it’s like you’ve never been to a baby shower in your entire life!)

That being said, look at what I found on Etsy today…a new game to spice up that baby shower…Pin the Baby on the Vajayjay! Yep, no more struggling to come up with “receiving blankets” on that bingo board. You’ve got a bullseye on her vajayjay to keep you interested instead.

Here’s what the seller had to say about it:

<em>Moms are growing weary of cutesy, cutesy, cutesy. Guys are coming to baby showers. And, quite frankly, no one really wants to eat “poo” from a diaper.

Overheard at PTBOTVajayjay showers:
“Zombie baby? Hell, yeah!”
“Ew. Sticky umbilical cords!”
“Is that supposed to be Frieda Khalo?”

Game comes with 16 Adorkable Babies, 16 umbilical cords, and one two-sided poster of mom in delivery. One side is light skinned, the other dark.</em>

I will give the seller this much, making one side light skinned, and the other side dark skinned is pretty brilliant marketing. Otherwise…no.

Here’s what would happen if I played this…I would picture the mother-to-be’s face on here. I know I would. We all know that unless she has a a c-section, this is how she is going to look. I like to look at her currently pregnant belly, and I will be thrilled to see that beautiful baby when it comes out…but I’m not really interested in picturing it actually coming out. Nah, I’m good. Although, I would get a chuckle out of seeing the guys play this game. You KNOW they’re cringing picturing the mother-to-be like that, especially if it’s their sister. (Well, maybe that comment depends on where you live!) By the way ladies, when it comes to inviting men to a baby shower. They really don’t want to go. Even if there’s a ton of beer. They don’t care! Ask one if you think I’m lying.

Anyway, if you are interested in having everyone at the next shower you throw picturing the mother-to-be screaming and giving birth, then head on over to Etsy  and plunk down your $24.95. Unless the shower is next week, there’s no rush because she has 95 in stock.

Pin the Baby on the Vajayjay…That’s Shitsy!

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Bosom Sleep Support


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Look at what I found on Pinterest today…the Kush Bosom Sleep Support. Yes this an actual product. I thought it was a joke too, until I did some detective work and found the site that sells it.

Unfortunately (or maybe I should say fortunately) I do not have this problem in life, therefore I can’t fully understand the need for this…so I read all about it. Here’s the quick version of what you need to know:

  • An anatomically contoured bosom sleep support designed to help women sleep comfortably on their side and prevent the cleavage wrinkles that form from one breast resting on top of the other. (Cleavage wrinkles? I’m not familiar with that term!)
  • Designed for women with C-cup size or larger breasts
  • Ideal for pregnant or nursing women, post-operative breast surgery patients and side-sleepers (OK, thinking back, I could have used this for a short time after I gave birth!)
  • Cylindrical shaped with a slight curve
  • Constructed of PET (polyethylene) plastic
  • Round nylon plugs on ends (I am guessing those are the pink, nipple like things on the ends. They’re odd and pretty unnecessary looking. I am totally laying odds that a man designed that part!)
  • A slip-resistant coating keeps it in place without straps or adhesives, even as you roll from side to side during sleep. (I assume that’s a plus. Do women’s large breasts act as a clamp?)

I have to admit, I was still pretty skeptical about this…so I read some reviews. Here are a few of my favorites:

* “I have large breasts and used to complain about neck and back pain. I had been sleeping with a small pillow in between my breasts. My friend saw the Kush and ordered it for me.

I was skeptical but I tried it It took 2 or 3 nights to get used to it and then I forgot I was using it. I was very surprised when one morning I woke up and noticed that I didn’t have neck pain.
This product is really a lifesaver. I’m gonna pay if forward by giving one to another friend.” (I don’t really think this is what “pay it forward” is supposed to mean, but whatever.)
*“I hate the feeling of my breasts sticking together when I sleep, especially when I have night sweats. For years I’ve been using small folded pieces of white cloth between my breasts but they didn’t provide any support. The kush is the perfect product to address both of these issues, it is light weight and just the right size. I love it!” (The small folded pieces didn’t provide any support? Shocker!)
* I even gave one to a friend from college who used to sleep with socks between her breasts, and she actually said, “It changed my life!” (I don’t know what part of that is more striking to me…that her friend slept with socks between her breasts or the fact that she actually admitted that!)
And finally, a naysayer’s opinion: “I thought this was a great idea – but it’s just a piece of light plastic – and for the money, not at all worth it. The shape is right – just seems like it should have been made of something softer! Sleep with a pillow instead – it’ll work nearly as well.” (Atta girl! Tell the truth about this product!)
Believe it or not, this item is fairly hard to find in stock. I guess because so many women saw it on “The Doctors” and made a mad rush for it. I did locate a company that sells it though for $24.99 plus $6.50 for shipping.

So look no further if you’d like to buy that large breasted lady in your life a thoughtful Christmas gift! I’ve apparently found the answer to your prayers…or you can just hustle it down to Walmart and buy a big package of men’s socks for $6.50 ( See that? I totally just saved you $24.99!) and she can wad those up and stick them between her big bazoombas for a good night’s sleep. Either way, the sentiment is the same.

Bosom Sleep Support…I would normally dub thee Unpinteresting…but you peaked my curiosity way too much to do so!

 

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Breast Feeding Wand


Look at what I found on Etsy today…a Breast Feeding Wand.  Do I think breast feeding is magical? Yes! Do I think someone actually needs a breast feeding wand to wave around? Not really.

Here’s why the seller says you need it:

* Do you want the Breast Feeding Fairy to give special blessings to someone you love who is about to have a baby? Well, consider yourself that fairy, swish this wand around her a few times and voila…a good wish has been bestowed. A little hokey, but some people may like that kind of thing.

* You may be one of those ladies that breastfeeds in public. If so, you can set this wand out in front of you “to give the passerby another boob to look at, if they must”. Also, I’m guessing you can probably just wave it around like a lunatic while the baby feeds so people know what you’re doing. I think that would just cause you to draw more attention to yourself, but whatever.

*Maybe you ” just want to show some support for breastfeeding, how better to say ‘yay breastfeeding!’ but with a visual aid with fun swingy ribbons?” Um, that is just weird. I’m sure people will be thrilled if you stroll around in public looking for nursing moms, so you can stand there and cheer them on. Awkward…

*Finally the seller states that it can be used when your child gets a little older and wants to frolic in your yard with a fun play toy. If they don’t want to play with a boob wand, you can paint the boob into something else, like the sun. “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle”.  I say you leave the boob on there for the entire neighborhood to see. It’ll give them something to talk about, besides hearing you yell when you forget you have the windows open. (Come on, we’ve ALL been there!)

Unfortunately, the seller is on vacation, so she’s not selling them right at this very minute, thus I have no price to quote. Not to worry though, she will be back soon and will resume selling this item. I’m so curious to know how much this is!

Breast Feeding Wand…although I hate to say it because I think breastfeeding is a beautiful thing, I still think this is weird, so…That’s Shitsy!

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Breast Feeding Hat


Here’s another Pinterest/Etsy Mash-up…The Breast Feeding Hat. Now, let me just say this…I think breast feeding is one of the most beautiful and natural things in the world. Some people get all fired up over the issue, like should it be done in private or in public? I have to tell you that I personally don’t care where you do it, however do you really need to put this hat on your baby? We get it. You are breastfeeding your child. On the other side of your child’s head is your boob. We know.

I’m not even going to dub this Unpinteresting or call it Shitsy, I’m just going to say this…If you take a picture like this, and the neighborhood kids call your child “Tits McGee” throughout his/her childhood, you only have yourself to blame.

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