Tag Archives: what had happened was

Posh Puppy Purses


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Attention tiny dog owners!!!If you have been so gauche as to actually walk your little smooshy-face on a leash on the mean streets of Manhattan, then you are sooooo out of the loop. If you don’t want your high class friends to drop you like yesterday’s news, then you need the Puppy Purse! You know Sir Smooshy-Face is far too good to let his little tootsies actually touch the pavement where the rest of the heathens walk! Perish the thought, you awful dog owner you! If you’re not carrying  in him in this contraption, or God forbid carrying him in a designer tote bag (which is so last year!) then the rich, snooty dog police may have to give you a citation and seize that little pooch from the life of horror it obviously has been enduring in your care!

Doesn’t he look comfortable? (Um, no he does not!) Well he should be comfortable while he is dangled precariously from that leather strapped harness giving his legs nowhere to go but to float freely in the air as you stroll down Park Avenue. Just make sure your dog is 6 pounds or under, because otherwise it won’t work out. Does that even really need to be said? Come on now, everyone knows the ultra rich only own dogs that small. You can’t possible have a 7 pound dog in your penthouse apartment! It goes against the rules of life, don’t you know!

If you’re looking to transport your own Sir Smoooshy-Face in the most glamorous way possible, you are too late to get one at the PetCo on the Upper West Side. They sold out like hotcakes. (I’m having a hard even picturing the ultra rich ever setting foot in a PetCo!) Fret not though, my snobby friends, because you can browse through a vast selection of Puppy Purses at BitchNewYork.com! Prices range from $66 – $100.00.  Anyone whose anyone buys the $100 Pink Biker Baby Puppy Purse, of course!

I’d keep going, but I must go walk my two giant mastiffs on their leashes now. If they only knew what a low rent owner they really had, huh? Sigh, such white trash we are in this house.

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Real Manly Move…OK, Not Really.


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* Tavares, Florida

What had happened was… I’m watching the news about the propane plant fire in FL. They interview this guy who says: (I’m paraphrasing) He was in his house, heard the explosions, looked outside, didn’t know what it was , didn’t see fire, grabbed his wife, little daughter, and just decided to start running…no shoes, no phone, just ran.
Let me get this straight…you’re in your house, which is SAFE, have no idea what the explosions are because you hear them but see nothing (He didn’t live right by the plant at all) …and your reaction is to bolt from your home with your wife & two year old in your arms and run willy-nilly through the streets for blocks??? Without shoes and a cell phone??? Just running like a lunatic? Where the hell are you going??? How long before you gain an ounce of sanity and decide to stop and actually think about this? What a hero this guy is, huh? Easy to see what side of the “fight or flight” fence he’s on. Weak, my man…seriously weak. This guy wouldn’t make it in New Jersey.

 

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Diagnosis: Ghetto Booty


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Happy Tuesday everyone! While reading the paper this morning, I came across a great story to make your mind off of the heat…

What had happened was…a Tennessee woman went to the Dr complaining that she had constant back pain. His diagnosis: “Ma’am, you have a case of Ghetto Booty”, to which she responded with “Ghetto what?!?” . Needless to say she got pretty pissed off at that, and complained. In response, the Dr. had to write her a little apology letter. Apparently they didn’t cover apology letters in the medical school he attended, because his apology was along the lines of  “I was trying to take technical conversation regarding your lower back and make it less technical.”. So now she’s got “ghetto booty”, is pretty much called stupid, and never really got an apology. Way to go Doc! Perhaps next time you just tell a patient they have “Lumbar Lordosis, which is a fancy name for the curve of the lower spine that makes the buttocks protrude more”. If asked to elaborate, then you can throw in your street terms…and not any sooner. On second thought, maybe you don’t throw in the street terms…especially if you’re an uptight looking white guy like he is. Obviously this “apology” is not sufficient and she has filed a complaint with the state.

If you’d like to read the full article, and see the woman’s description of this event, click here.  (By the way, they show her walking in the video, and I have to admit that her booty doesn’t look all that giant to me!)

The NY Post…it never disappoints with the hard hitting news, I swear!

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Happy One Year Blogiversary!


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Happy Blogiversary!

Happy Blogiversary!

Happy Blogiversary!

Haaaaaaappy Blogiversary!!!

Yes, today is my one year blogiversary of officially owning “Oh Yes They Did“!  Wow! Time sure does fly by!  In the past year, I have published 140 posts…most of which I am proud of..haha.  I hope all of you have enjoyed the ridiculousness of my blog….minus the couple of sellers that have sent me a little hate mail for featuring their creations.  Thank you so much for your readership, comments, and the fine topics you have sent in to me!! I do hope you will continue to stop by and see what’s new!

Here’s to another year of Unpinteresting Pins, Shitsy Products, What Had Happened Was moments, and Outstanding Obituaries!!

Cheers!

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Bartering For Rent…Bad Idea!


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From the What Had Happened Was files…

See this guy here? This is Samuel Otero of Florida…and you REALLY DO NOT want to EVER have him as a roommate! Seriously, you are better off living anywhere… a dumpster, inside a dripping sewer conduit…anywhere but with this guy.

What had happened was…Samuel had a very interesting arrangement with his ex-roommate. Apparently the bartering system is alive and well, because the deal between them was rather than paying rent money, the ex-roomie “paid” him with naked photos of himself instead. (Yes, you read that right!)  This little deal worked out nicely for a year, ( Really, a year?) but then the roomie started to feel “uncomfortable” about it, and moved out. (If he was smart, he moved out in the middle of the night on tiptoes!). Anyway, Samuel didn’t exactly take the shunning lightly (I mean, a guy’s gotta get paid, er, “paid”), so he got a touch vindictive. By vindictive, I mean he did things like constantly sending harassing texts threatening to kill him…oh, and just so happened to make a ton of copies of the “rent” and taped them all over his car…AND…HIS GRANDMOTHER’S CAR! (Oh Yes He Did!!!). He was subsequently arrested for stalking and released on a $5,500 bond.

OK, a few things here…

1.  When are people going to learn with the naked pictures thing? You KNOW they’re going to come to bite you in the ass someday…or in this case, permanently scar your Grandmother’s retinas for life.

2. How does this deal even come about? “Hey, I really want to live here, but I’m pretty broke. How’s about I just give you some naked shots of me every month instead? It’s worth more than any currency I could ever hand you!” …”Yeah, that’s a great idea.”  Ummm.  I’m not quite sure if this is what our forefathers had in mind.

3. Back to the pictures. I wonder if he really had to start “working it” over the course of the year. I wonder if the ex-roomie had to take requests after a while.  I’m sure he couldn’t just keep doing the same stale old shot, right? That would be some crappy bartering right there.

4. How the hell did it take the ex-roomie A YEAR to start to feel “uncomfortable” with this?!? Maybe he figured he already gave the guy enough to make a photo calendar out of, so it was the perfect time to make his great escape. Let me tell you something, I can look at this guy’s picture for 3 seconds and feel “uncomfortable”….but then again, if you’re willing to make this deal, your sanity is pretty much in question anyway.

5. I hate to say it, but you kind of have to hand it to Samuel on this one. This guy is Grade A Vindictive. He started basic…with the “I’m going to kill you!” texts, and sure, he’s not the first to vandalize someone’s car…but to go balls to the wall and head straight for GRANDMA’S car with the naked pictures?!? Holy Shit. That’s just going dead for the jugular with a machete! This guy has raised the bar for all of the rest of the stalkers in training. He might even get his own term like “Don’t make me Samuel you!”

6. He got a bail of $5,500??!? Wonder if he tried to barter his way out of that one.

7. Finally..how about poor Grandma? Imagine her coming out in the morning in her nice little senior community and seeing that action on her car??? You KNOW he didn’t just put a few in a tidy pile under the windshield wiper! He’s CRAZY, and probably made quite a collage. (The article did say he PLASTERED her car with them!)  You know the first old lady that was out walking at 5:30 AM and saw that, prancercised her ass back home lickety-split to call everyone up (but Grandma) to see this! Gossip spreads faster in those communities than anywhere else in the world…but I digress. Back to Grandma…Once you see something, you can never un-see it. Sure, Grandma probably saw him naked a million times when he was a baby, but I’m thinking it’s a teensy bit different when she sees him splaying his junk like a champ as an adult. God, I hope she has cataracts so she didn’t catch the full brunt, but you know she saw each and every single one. Imagine how fun it was for her to remove each one from the car? Bet it took a while, because Florida is HOT and I bet the tape was sticking nicely to the paint. Also, how do you think that conversation went between she and her grandson? It cannot be easy to explain your way out of that one. I have a feeling poor Grandma will never be the same again.

Game, Set, Match Samuel….except for that crooked chin hair he’s rocking in his mug shot.. I bet he’s got a shaky hand though from all of that pent up rage, thus making shaving a straight line kinda tough.

Moral of the story:

1. Don’t barter for rent.

2. If you really have to barter, naked pictures are a really  bad idea.

3.  If you see Samuel…RUN. He is one crazy bitch!

Happy Friday everyone!

PS: No way I’m putting this one in the running for the “What Had Happened Was” story of the year! Uh-uh! What if he doesn’t win? That probably won’t go well.  Again (in the eloquent words of Miley Cyrus) – He’s “Cray!”

*Article courtesy of the New York Daily News.

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Afternoon Delight…Or Maybe Not.


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It’s Summer!!! I’m back and ready to resume blogging…and I think I found a real winner to kick off summer! Let me introduce you to these two brilliant exhibitionists from Philadelphia, PA. (Yayyyy! They’re not from NJ!)

What had happened was…apparently they couldn’t wait until they got home to be overcome with lust (or whatever), so they decided to have at it, right there in Naylor’s Run Park in Upper Darby.  You might think they ducked behind a tree (you know, like a big, fat 50 year old Oak tree) or behind a bush, but nope! Instead they decided to go to town right out in the open, over the bench on the first base line of the baseball field , in broad daylight at 4pm. Hopefully no poor kids had to be scarred by witnessing that, but I’ll tell you who did happen to stumble upon it…the 25 BIKE COPS who were out on a training ride. That’s right…they got arrested by 25 police officers! TWENTY.FIVE.  That is GREAT!!! They had their own riot squad! You know every single one of those officers was totally howling on the inside…and likely all wanted to stick a bar of soap in their eyes. I hope that $30,000 bail they had to post was worth it! (I highly doubt it was!)

Aside from the obvious reasons this amuses/disgusts me, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that they are out of their minds for an additional reason. Do you know how friggin hot it has been here lately??? I’m talking like 100* heat index and full humidity!! I go out to get the mail and get annoyed at how sweaty I am. Who wants to be having some afternoon delight outside in that weather?!? Plus she’s got some lily white skin there. I doubt she took the time to put some sun block on her back. (Read the article if you want to know what that comment meant.)  They should be happy that 25 bike cops came rolling up. These two had a good shot of dying of heat stroke or dehydration before they were done!

I think I hit a real home run with my first post of the summer (Sorry. Had to!), but if you’d like to read the actual news article, then here it is courtesy of the New York Daily News. The quotes are actually quite hysterical!

Just another entry towards my “What Had Happened Was” Story of the Year! I’ve got 6 months to see if anyone can top getting arrested by 25 officers. I have faith in the morons of America that it can be beat!

Happy Summer everyone!!! See you soon!!!

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