Rest in Peace Little Angels/Snowflake Project

Out of respect for the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, I will not be making any posts until after Christmas. As a parent and a teacher, my heart is too heavy for humor. Wishing all of my readers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season! Take some time to tell those around you that you love them and reflect on the many blessings in your life.

If you would like to do something nice for the survivors from the Sandy Hook Elementary School, please read below about “The Snowflake Project”. While it is a GREAT project for teachers and their students, it is also something you can do with your own child:

CALLING ALL TEACHER FRIENDS!!! Please Please consider participating!!!!

My dear friend who is a teacher in CT passed this along so I thought I would share. This could be a great project for school, playgroups, or a simple activity at home. Please consider participating!

A building has been designated to house the students from Sandy Hook Elementary School. They are in the process of transporting desks, chairs, supplies and so forth to this location.

My neighbor is the president of the Newtown PTA and we met tonight discussing what we can do to make these children feel comforted upon their return to school.
Please join us in “The Snowflake Project”.We are asking your students to make and decorate a snowflake. We will hang them in the hallways at the stark, new building where the Sandy Hook students will be returning. PLEASE NO WORDS! We want just a cheerful, happy (glitter and sparkle) environment for the students entering the new building.
Please pass on to any teachers you think may want to participate.
When you send your snowflakes, please include a note to tell us where they are from (your school, class, town, etc) to display along with your snowflakes. 
Connecticut PTSA
60 Connolly Parkway, Building 12, Suite 103
Hamden, CT 06514
Thank you so very much!

It is a simple gesture that will help make a difference for the students as they try to heal. My students will be making these today.

May God Bless all those from the Sandy Hook Elementary School and the citizens of Newtown, Connecticut. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The Laziest Christmas Lights EVER…

Look at what I found on Pinterest today…The Firefly Landscape Laser Lights…AKA the laziest Christmas lights EVER.

Here’s what the seller, Solutions, has to say about it:

We guarantee you won’t miss the tradition of climbing a ladder on a cold, snowy or rainy day to string lights. Instead, just plug in this light. Your home, your trees, your entire yard will come to life with a stunning light show. This all-new way to decorate uses cutting-edge laser and holographic technology to project thousands of pin-points of green light…it gives the impression of thousands of fireflies!

OK…Let me tell you a little something about this…It’s just plain stupid…and lazy…and did I mention stupid?!? Are you kidding me that someone would actually hook this thing up in their front yard, point it at their home, and think this passes as a Christmas display? It most certainly does not. First of all, the lights are on everything under the sun…the house, the windows, the front stairs,  the lawn, the sky…C’mon! Nobody, not even Clark Griswald, does that!

Want to see how great it looks in the middle of the night? Prepare yourself…

Oh yeah, that looks fantastic, doesn’t it?? I’m sure the neighbors will all be really jealous of that house. It looks like a scene out of a B Horror movie!

This company needs to take an angle and stick to it! How do they market this as  thousands of fireflies and then say this is a great solution to being cold and hanging Christmas lights? It is not a great solution to anything.  Is it fireflies or is it Christmas lights? Is it both? I personally have to go with neither!

I’m fairly certain they made up the great reviews too:

*By Pearl, from East Tennessee

 

Pros: ease of use, covers a large area, more spectacular than described, use throughout the year

“I’ve seen a lot of light displays – this ONE elicited my dance of joy! One light source, easy to install (plug in). The trees are full of twinkling “snow flakes”. From the house hang glistening “icicles”. The light is far-reaching – just a flip of the switch turns my entire yard into a fairy land. I highly recommend this product. The spectacular effects and ease of operation make this well worth the price. I continue to be amazed by the cheerful beauty created by this one.”

I am frightened that Pearl actually did a dance of joy over this! Twinkling snowflakes?!? Glistening icicles? What the hell is she looking at?

*By John, from Lakeland, Fl

“I bought this to help decorate my front yard for Christmas. I have a huge Magnolia tree that is now completely lit up! My neighbors can’t believe how cool this thing is. It’s well made and works great.”

Dear John, Your neighbors are lying through their teeth!

*and finally by Bob, from New Jersey

 Pros: easy

“With just plugging in, the most unique Christmas display on the street. It was a neighborhood hit!”

Bob, I speak for everyone in our great state of NJ, when I say it was only the hit of the neighborhood behind your back. I’m embarrassed Bob. That’s not how we roll in Jersey at Christmas time!

If you would like to be the laziest person on your street with the worst Christmas light display EVER, then swing on by Solutions, and get ready to drop a cool $279.00 on this Christmas horror. Sweet Baby Jesus! It’s over $300.00 with shipping! I cannot believe anyone would actually buy this, but you know my motto “People are stupid”, and apparently lazier than I ever gave them credit for. Wow. Just WOW!

Firefly Landscape Laser Lights…..I dub thee Unpinteresting, Shitsy, and a complete eyesore.

Hanukkah Card

Look at what I found on Etsy today…A “Funny Hanukkah Card”…just in time to celebrate Hanukkah 2012!  They are $4.50 each, and there are only five in stock, so hurry up if you want one! Plus, you have 8 days for it to get to your house and to give it out!

Happy Hanukkah, my friends!

Wine Glass Calorie Counter…No Bueno!

Welcome to December!!! Every day, up until Christmas, I will be featuring all kinds of “Oh No They Didn’t” Christmas related posts…be it crazy gifts or crafts. Consider it my very own Christmas countdown for you! Hopefully you’ll check in every day to see what happy little treasure I’ve found!

So, this is what I found on Pinterest today…A Wine Glass Calorie Counter.

Let me tell you something about this…If I go to someone’s house for a Christmas Party, and this is the wine glass they hand me, I am going to be PISSED! Why would you try to ruin my beloved wine for me? I LOVE wine. It is the nectar of the Gods and this is the glass you pour it in, you heathen???  Wine falls in the same category as birthday cake…there are no calories in either one…haven’t you heard? If not, you really need to get out more!

You know who does something like this…those pain in the ass nutrition freaks who HAVE TO tell you “how bad” everything is for you. “If you drink two glasses of wine, you’ll have to work out a little extra tomorrow to burn that off.”  Shut up…seriously. Guess what sister? I’m going straight for the “Who Cares” line, and there’s a good chance I may drink most of the bottle…because it’s a god-damn PARTY…and tomorrow, if my head hurts a little, I won’t even go work out. I’ll just lay on the couch with my extra calories making some new fat cells, how’s that?!?  Did you give the beer drinkers mugs with calorie counts on them? What about the mixed drinks glasses or the Egg Nog glasses? Are you ruining those for everyone too, or is it just me over here trying to enjoy my healthy wine? Did you put  little caloric intake signs next to all of the dips, cheeses, and desserts you put out? No?!? Then don’t do it to my wine glass either! Besides, wine keeps the blood flowing…therefore, I’m fairly certain mine runs through my veins like a freight train. Next time, worry about yourself. I’m good, trust me.

This wine glass is nothing short of a deal breaker for me.  In fact, it may spell the end of a friendship. ( Although in taking a mental inventory of my friends, I can’t think of one who would do this!)  It is entirely unacceptable! In fact, if you put these glasses out, I think it’s a written guarantee that you are no fun and your party is going to be a few hours of my life that I can’t get back. Thanks a lot.

Wine Glass Calorie Counter…I dub thee Unpinteresting!

Black Friday/Cyber Monday Deals!

What better time to pick back up on my blog than Black Friday/Cyber Monday, crazy-ass shopping time? It’s been a long few weeks here on the Jersey Shore, but I think it’s time to share some humor…you know, now that the “stress free’ holiday season is upon us!

All weekend long, I will be posting outstanding “Oh Yes They Did” kinds of deals and stories I would never want you to miss out on. Consider it my gift to you!

Hats For Cats

Look at what I found on Etsy today…Hats for Cats! I don’t get it…but apparently there’s quite a market for it.

Personally, I am a dog person…plain and simple. It’s not that I totally dislike cats, but I don’t want one…plus I’m allergic to them.  However, if I wasn’t,  I know that if I ever got a cat, it would be the kind that winds up hiding under the couch and hissing at everyone, and would walk on my kitchen counter at free will. No thank you. I would want to get the kind that thinks it’s a dog and actually wants to be around people, but I know that wouldn’t happen. Thus, I just stick to dogs.

Anyway, I have a hard time understanding hard-core cat people. Perhaps they have taken the words of Dr. Seuss a little too seriously.  It seems they love to dress their cats up in hats. I don’t think cats like that…as evidenced by the looks on their faces in the following pictures. Let me know if you think you see a single happy cat in the bunch:

The Midnight Cowboy Hat and Wild Side Collar – “The party will stop and jaws will drop when your cat struts in wearing this!”

The Mad Cow Hat – “Intended for cats who are looking to cause a ruckus in their community”.

He wore a Strawberry Beret…an ode to Prince….straight from the “Fresh Fruit” inspired line. (She totally should have done Raspberry…just saying)

The Frog Hat…perfect for sneaking up on that pond behind your house.

The Little Miss Sunshine Party Hat and Collar…”So they will feel like they are part of the celebration.”

The Little Devil Hat – “Even the sweetest of cats will look naughty in this!”

There are some holiday hats too:

The Kitty Sombrero…just in time for Cinco De Mayo.

It’s the Hoppy Easter hat…because your cat likes to hop on everything anyway.

The Feeling Sheepish hat…which could totally be used at Easter Time! (God, he looks miserable!)

The Regal Meowy Christmas Hat…He has got to hate having his ears covered like that.

Cat Santa Costume…”Your cat will bounce with joy that you included him in the Christmas festivities!”

The Christmas Bonnet and Dress

and a multi-purpose holiday get-up…

The Uncle Sam Hat and Collar…Can be used for both the 4th of July (which cats really love) and on Election Day. “He’ll have your friends and neighbors guessing who he voted for!”

And finally, for your Rock and Roll Cat…

The White Mohawk and Glittery Glasses Get-Up

and my personal favorite…

The Multi-Colored Mohawk…Perfect for your cat that wants to rock and roll all night, and party everyday! It matches everything!

So there you have it…Hats for Cats! I seriously did not see a single Mr. Meow Meow look happy about wearing any of these, but I’m sure their owners are thrilled…and that’s what really counts here, isn’t it?

Hats for Cats…That’s Shitsy!