Look at what I found on Etsy today…Original Nose Warmers. They retail for $9.74 each and come in quite a variety of styles. The one pictured above is the “Barely There” model. Yeah, being it’s skin colored you might miss it on someone’s face, right? I’d spot that thing from two city blocks away! However, it is pretty tame, compared to the others in this shop…
There’s the “Pink Lady Nose Warmer” for the fashion maven in your house:
She doesn’t look as happy as she did a few seconds ago, now does she?
There’s the “Spring Flower Power” model…
…because March comes in like a lion.
There’s even some for the man in your life, like this “Burgundy on Gray” version:
I think he did this against his own will.
The “Camo” version…
Oh No! Where did your nose go? I can’t see it!
And some spunky animal versions like:
The Black Eared Puppy Nose Warmer:
Maybe someone will really mistake her for a puppy and not recognize her…or not!
and the next big thing in winter wear…the Hawk Bird Nose Warmer
Maybe she can hang out with Double Hummingbird Feeder Hat Guy!
Now, there are a few important notes the seller would like you to know about these fine crocheted creations:
*”It’s a unique, and practical way to keep your nose warm!” Mmmmhmmm. Unique, yes…practical…not even close! You’re totally going to get lint balls up your nose wearing this!
*There’s only one of each in stock (but she can customize one just for you!)” You know what I’m going to say…If you want one you better hurry the hell up and get to ordering!
*“There are loops on the side of each nose warmer that hook right onto your ears.” Because God forbid this should come off while you’re out traipsing through town. Also, you know this baby will leave tell tale yarn line/indentations across your face because it looks a little snug.
*And finally “They are hand-made in a non-smoking environment!” Now apparently this a HUGE selling point in the crocheting community! I have seen this on many pages on Etsy, so one can safely assume that smoke would cling to yarn like white on rice…and who wants something that going to attach to your nose to smell like smoke? Then again, who actually wants to even attach this to their nose? (I’m pretty sure I didn’t hear a single “ME!!!” in the crowd!)
FYI – This lady has been making these since 1970, uses her nieces, nephews, and random neighbors to model them…and lives in Alabama. ALABAMA?!? How cold does it actually get in Alabama? She’d have an ounce of street cred if she lived in Wisconsin maybe…but ALABAMA?!? Come on now.
So there you have it…I don’t think I need to say anything else about this, now do I?
Except…Original Nose Warmers…That’s Shitsy!